Wondering Wanderings

[Wondering Wanderings @ItchyBrain]

#Cicadas are definitely Satan’s maracas. Could use their volume as a thermometer.

[Wondering Wanderings @ItchyBrain]

Hair cuts are the reason that I have trust issues

[Wondering Wanderings @ItchyBrain]

I feel like I’ve really made a difference in the world every time that I add my last name to a new computer’s dictionary.

[Wondering Wanderings @ItchyBrain]

The best way to find out who your real friends are is by bringing oatmeal raisin cookies to every party you go to, and see who invites you back.

[Wondering Wanderings @ItchyBrain]

The best part about Hispanic parents is getting called stupid in not one but two languages.

[Wondering Wanderings @ItchyBrain]

What’s worse than a one word text? A one word text that took the time to add a period.

[Wondering Wanderings @ItchyBrain]

I feel like an honor student should know how to put a bumper sticker on straight

[Wondering Wanderings @ItchyBrain]

Mom told her phone to call me. Siri instead decided to give her all the local #Tacobell locations. She’s on to me.

[Wondering Wanderings @ItchyBrain]

Prospective sweatpants days:
If it’s cold or raining
If you don’t feel well
If the sun rose yesterday

[Wondering Wanderings @ItchyBrain]

One day I’m going to forget to check the water temperature before getting in the shower, and my roommates daily assassination attempts will finally pay off

[Wondering Wanderings @ItchyBrain]

In honor of moving out, I’d like to have a moment of silence for all the Bobby pins that were lost this year

[Wondering Wanderings @ItchyBrain]

Explaining to your wife where you were last night.... introducing “The Odyssey” a Homer original

[Wondering Wanderings @ItchyBrain]

I know my car isn’t bugged because I still have friends #singsongalongathon

[Wondering Wanderings @ItchyBrain]

Could probably find the gateway to Narnia in some of the potholes around here.

[Wondering Wanderings @ItchyBrain]

I leave #bing as my homepage so that it can see how many times I search for #google

[Wondering Wanderings @ItchyBrain]

Guns don’t cause mass shootings. People who drive 7 mph under the speed limit do.

[Wondering Wanderings @ItchyBrain]

Remember when politicians talked more about their policies than each other? Yeah me either.

[Wondering Wanderings @ItchyBrain]

Men love gossip too, they just call it #politics instead

[Wondering Wanderings @ItchyBrain]

The #dog has started responding equally to “Little Dude”, “Sup Bro”, and “Don’t eat that you’ll die”
...Can’t help but feel like I’m doing something right

[Wondering Wanderings @ItchyBrain]

If I were to introduce myself honestly to new coworkers: “Hi, nice to meet you. I look forward to stealing your pens”