Black Phillip

I can make your pain go away. Ask me how!

[Black Phillip @ItsBlackPhillip]

Harnessing that luck of the Irish today, going to put it to good use. Don't tell the leprechauns. (They wouldn't understand.)

[Black Phillip @ItsBlackPhillip]

Are you slipping slowly into the Black Void of indecision? Stay right there, I’ve got you! #inthearmsofBlackPhillip #flyawayfromhere

[Black Phillip @ItsBlackPhillip]

Good morning, my pretties. How did you sleep? Were the screams of the tortured and tangled souls too loud for you last night? I’ll try to keep them down… #Shhhhhh

[Black Phillip @ItsBlackPhillip]

Have you ever had warts on the bottom of your feet that became your best friends?

[Black Phillip @ItsBlackPhillip]

Friday morning here again, do heed my warning when I tell you, friend, nothing good can come to those who wait. So grab some cheese, let’s hit the road. See what happens to those too bold…

[Black Phillip @ItsBlackPhillip]

When your swim instructor leaves you high and dry, rejoice - for they could have just as easily left you low and drowning. #mygoodadvice

[Black Phillip @ItsBlackPhillip]

It's the Sunday Scaries, come out to play. Push them down, ignore your feelings all day! I'll be there to hold your head, stoke the feelings of dread as you go to bed...

[Black Phillip @ItsBlackPhillip]

Friday comes and here we go, a frightful feeling brews soft and slow. #BlackPhillip #LetsGoDown #DownInTheRiverToSlay

[Black Phillip @ItsBlackPhillip]

On this Thursday, I ask that you slap a grin on your face. Keep it oiled and ready. Don’t let them see what lurks underneath. #slipperysurface

[Black Phillip @ItsBlackPhillip]

Did you miss me? Did you cry yourself to sleep for nights on end? Your pillow a sponge for sadness and blight, looking to the sky for an end to your plight? Oh you did?! Well, good. #greatdelights

[Black Phillip @ItsBlackPhillip]

Guess who’s back, back again? It’s me. I’m back. Tell a friend.

[Black Phillip @ItsBlackPhillip]

You rang? #inthesetryingtimes #turntoBlackPhillip

[Black Phillip @ItsBlackPhillip]

As the holiday season approaches its glorious crescendo, consider leaving some milk and cookies out for the hardworking Ghosts of Christmas. Theirs is a thankless job.

[Black Phillip @ItsBlackPhillip]

Will it turn your stomach? Will you in turn, turn to your roommate and say, “I’ve made a huge mistake.” Don’t let me stop you. I just wonder if you’ve fully thought this through...

[Black Phillip @ItsBlackPhillip]

Have you prepared in advance? Did you calculate the strength you’ll use to keep the llama mostly still as you steal his most precious of face framing locks? Where are your shears? How will you feel as the hair falls in layers? Carpeting your hand and making you a man.

[Black Phillip @ItsBlackPhillip]

What if you killed a llama to steal it’s bangs? Do you even know how? Can you commit to the everyday styling that takes? Will your friends recognize you when you arrive unannounced, wearing the hair of another mammal? #justthinkingoutloud

[Black Phillip @ItsBlackPhillip]

You're doing great. Let the hate surge through you and channel it into a most productive day. #witchesgettingshitdone

[Black Phillip @ItsBlackPhillip]

The moon above is shining bright. Come on, boy, the time is right. Here I am. Take me in your arms and let's wreak some havoc on the unsuspecting townspeople.

[Black Phillip @ItsBlackPhillip]

When the roof leaks, it does so with its whole heart.

[Black Phillip @ItsBlackPhillip]

Are you the most tired you've ever been? Try squeezing your heart as hard as you can, take 2 deep breaths, and then whisper how much you love me. It won't help, but at least I'll know you care.