Jess

[Jess @ItsJessTweets]

Schmidt says not wearing white on Labor Day is like saying “whatever” when the executioner asks what you want for your last meal.

[Jess @ItsJessTweets]

“Adieu, white raw linen chapeau.” #SchmidtfacesLaborDay

[Jess @ItsJessTweets]

OREGON INVENTED LABOR DAY IN 1881!!! Winston says I need to take it down many, many notches right now

[Jess @ItsJessTweets]

Nick says drinking beer on Labor Day is like hiding in your room during Thanksgiving dinner. It just feels right.

[Jess @ItsJessTweets]

It’s Fri & it’s time for a classic Jess Me Myself & I Night™: Ice cream. Yellow cake. Pajamas. Pink wine. Tom Hanks in Castaway. #shirtsoff

[Jess @ItsJessTweets]

Nick says he would workout, except it already takes too much energy to climb the stairs.

[Jess @ItsJessTweets]

The guys were talking about hottest fantasy hookups and I said “Legolas” The conversation stopped so I guess that means CASE CLOSED!

[Jess @ItsJessTweets]

I won tonight’s round of “Things So Obvious You Never Ever Say Them” with “I’m so glad I live in a world that has tomatoes in it.”...

[Jess @ItsJessTweets]

Jebediah Jeeves. Isn't that a good name? He's an Amish butler/my imaginary friend. I wish he was real. Sometimes Schmidt reminds me of him.

[Jess @ItsJessTweets]

My nickname for Nick is nickname. Nickname doesn’t like his nickname ;)

[Jess @ItsJessTweets]

I’ve been eating a lot of avocados. Thanks California farmers! You da’ bombdiggidy.

[Jess @ItsJessTweets]

Schmidt asked me if he could rent out closet space in my room for his fedoras.

[Jess @ItsJessTweets]

If I won a million dollars, I would travel more with matching suitcases. I’d call them my fancy cases. #pickingmynumbers

[Jess @ItsJessTweets]

When one of your roommates offers to set you up with a famous basketball player from Latvia. Just say no. Just say no.

[Jess @ItsJessTweets]

Monsieur Jess is making a special appearance in the loft when I make Nick watch #Ratatouille again.

[Jess @ItsJessTweets]

Spencer if you’re reading this stop it!

[Jess @ItsJessTweets]

If I played any instrument it would be the trombone because they’re so distinguished. Wahhhh. Woooooooh. #tromboneSounds

[Jess @ItsJessTweets]

Obsessed with my kosh yoggies in the morning. Uck sound like Schmiddty. Boo.

[Jess @ItsJessTweets]

Found a perfectly good table on the street today. People’s trash is Jess’s new table. #luckyme

[Jess @ItsJessTweets]

I don’t like using the word hate but I hate when my roommate does his juice cleanse to get ripped before a big sex weekend. #dontask