The Name is Layne

Bored of being bored because being bored is boring.

[The Name is Layne @Its_me_Layne]

Me, in my bedroom: Heidi!
Heidi, in the other room: *whispers* should I answer her?
M: Heidi! How dare you?!
H: you could hear that?! I was joking! *opens my door to talk to me*
M: is that what you guys do all the time? Fake not hearing me?
H: *closes door*

[The Name is Layne @Its_me_Layne]

@bekahjeyne True, hate google maps for that 😭

[The Name is Layne @Its_me_Layne]

Good morning to everyone except people who get on the highway only to exit at the very next exit (when I know good and well you could have driven through town just fine,) and use this as an excuse to go 5-10 mph under the speed limit.

[The Name is Layne @Its_me_Layne]

10yr old: and that is what you call night time in the ocean *shows drawing*

Me: nice. Why does it got trees in the ocean?

10 yr old: it’s just an expression.

Ahhh. Makes sense

[The Name is Layne @Its_me_Layne]

@bawsybeth How do you thumbs down a tweet

[The Name is Layne @Its_me_Layne]

Trent: *gets on phone* *gasps* They’re trying to steal my leaf!!

[The Name is Layne @Its_me_Layne]

“In the meantime, we will continue to count the votes, because that is how we do it here in the United States of America.” - George Stephanopoulos
#2020Election #CountEveryVote #ABCNews

[MisoSilly @SeiYoung83]

*is lying flat in bed*

*pulls muscle*

[Cathy Young 🇺🇸🇺🇦🇮🇱 @CathyYoung63]

Btw if you're outraged by the sexualization of underage girls, I'll assume you're not a fan of the guy who bragged about barging in on underaged beauty contestants in a state of undress

[The Name is Layne @Its_me_Layne]

“Trust and obey, for there’s no other way to be happy in Jesus”

7 yr old me thinking about Jonah and the whale: okay I was NOT informed of THAT twist to Christianity

[The Name is Layne @Its_me_Layne]

Men who wear their mask properly>>>>>>>> all other guys

Like have you seen a guy wearing their mask properly?? 👌🏼👌🏼👌🏼

[The Name is Layne @Its_me_Layne]

If one more customer tries to tell me how to do *my* job that I was *trained* for, I think I’m gonna explode

Like listen Lady, if you saw the security device, it’s almost guaranteed that I did, seeing as how my job is to look out for them.

[The Name is Layne @Its_me_Layne]

Okay in the last couple days I have come across THREE people who didn’t understand why I said “that’s so sad, Alexa play despacito” ?? Is this not as popular of a meme as I thought it was?? What’s happening??!

[The Name is Layne @Its_me_Layne]

Yeah and you could have a “board” of movies/shows you already watched and loved so you could watch again and or be able to actually recommend the movie/show you watched by name

[Kali D. Mac 〽️ @Kali_Mac]

Headline for a 17-year-old murderer vs. headline for a 17-year-old victim

[D @dees_whores]

Me: someone please put my profile picture as swuidward

Heidi: *IMMEDIATELY gets a picture of squidward from her pictures on her phone* ok, here

[🏴‍☠️ How YOU Doin 🏴‍☠️ @jollyrobber]

Be the exact change you want to see in the world.

Because there's a coin shortage.

[The Name is Layne @Its_me_Layne]

I just got into a argument with my sister, and her daughter said to me “aunt Layne, you’re right.”
And I just have to say, if my future child ever betrays me like that, it won’t be my child for long, but Man, I think she’s my favorite niece 😂

[The Name is Layne @Its_me_Layne]

Sabriena: where did they get this food?

Me: Angry Joes.

Sabriena:👁👄👁

Heidi: no Hungry David!

Sabriena:👁👄👁

Me: Hungry Arr- -...

Heidi: Starvin Arvin’!

Sabriena: OH!

[The Name is Layne @Its_me_Layne]

My baby sister was talking to her best friend so I was like “lemme talk to her a lil” She handed me the phone, I talked to her for a bit and handed it back to Heidi, and then she says “sorry about that”...?? You’d think I was an embarrassing big sister or something