Re 🍒

[JOAN OF ART @umcornell]

normal person: i could never wish death upon someone no matter what!

me after wishing death upon someone just cause:

[Jenni @hashjenni]

i want to spend money but not my money

[Re 🍒 @ItsxSerenaaaa]

Life is phases, and I LUCKILY have survived the engagement phases of my peers and have been untouched by what I would call ‘pre-mediated murder of a minor’

[whats wrong with a Bob? @tweetsbybob_]

My elf bar looking at me after 2 drinks

[clare @sadderlizards]

no worries i’m just gonna throw up about it

[helena riley @freshhel]

I wonder if kylies italian greyhounds look at Timothy and assume he’s their biological father

[Re 🍒 @ItsxSerenaaaa]

One thing these chicks don’t know 🤝 the name of my band

[Heezvs @heezvs]

get u a schmoopsie poo to ur googly bear

[megan @chismosavirus]

sometimes a sandwich with pesto in it is enough to stop the voices

[trash jones @jzux]

why would i save for retirement when i can buy knickknacks

[trash jones @jzux]

i personally think everyone should strike until everything changes

[trash jones @jzux]

my regards aren’t actually kind. they’re actually kind of mean

[milk @milkstrology]

sometimes love & light is remembering to say fuck u more often

[trash jones @jzux]

there is a little roomba in my brain bonking into the corner again and again instead of going around and cleaning up the bad thoughts

[Re 🍒 @ItsxSerenaaaa]

@keebafuu Dumb dumb gimme gum gum

[trash jones @jzux]

“did you hear kylie jenner is dating timothee chalamet” did you hear i probably won’t be able to afford to retire

[Kristen Mulrooney @missmulrooney]

Yesterday I asked my kindergartener what she did in school and she said "nothing," then later I went on Instagram and her teacher had posted a picture of her holding a crocodile.