Ivan

Hello Darlings! I'm Ivan Darlington Hudson. Artist, YouTuber, and Fetish User🔞.

I'm 19 years old and I lived in the Philippines for 19 years.

[Ivan @Ivandarling2006]

I can't stop crying from how I'm being too lonely and depressed sleeping while I was trying to sing I just cry. I miss my mother.. I miss my old livelihoods. I just hate being alone for too many years. no one else wants to talk to me on messenger.. only on discord is more lonely.

[Ivan @Ivandarling2006]

I'm back! Finally no back pains. More fart videos and audios are coming at someday. Gosh it took me some hours to recover my pains.

[Ivan @Ivandarling2006]

So I need to take a break. My back is killing me and it hurts that my bones are hurting much. I feel so exhausted and stressed suffering PTSD. I haven't had a massage or treatment. I'll be right back as soon I get back. See you all Darlings! Please be patient to wait for updates.

[Ivan @Ivandarling2006]

Giving away all my happiness to my friends without me having freedom is my fair sacrifice because I don't deserve happiness, I deserve is fear, pain and death. I'm standing to this day, strong, brave, and happy to who I am.

NEVER FALL BACK DOWN!
Thank you for listening my story.

[Ivan @Ivandarling2006]

Being stressfully alone forever and suffering PTSD all day everyday is my fear and death. I have been telling myself and everyone else I'm fine over many times. Not asking for Help, not telling my experiences, and only myself that I recovered that all aggressive people are gone.

[Ivan @Ivandarling2006]

But it is not over yet, there are still aggressive threats left. My friends and my family and to anyone else you all deserve freedom, you deserve far more way better than this! But for me I DON'T! I don't rest until I put down all these aggressive threats until the end I die.

[Ivan @Ivandarling2006]

These years are the toughest most depressing, stressfulness, worst and miserable life I have experienced in the Philippines. Now I'm 19 years old Adult standing strong and getting one step closer finishing grade 12 the final school year of my hardest achievement.

[Ivan @Ivandarling2006]

In 2026 things have changed, my dad stop drinking and doing drugs and now being nice to me. I got new friends on social media, I now only have 4 real friends in reality, I'm now a Gay LGBTQ Artist, Historian, Fetish/Fart GachaTuber, YouTuber, Editor, and Arts and Designs Member.

[Ivan @Ivandarling2006]

I was so alone forever just barely finishing my assignments, and performance tasks. In the boys bathroom I was almost committed my 5th Suicide which is me grabbing a sharp pencil to stab my neck but I don't think it will work so I stop again and again. Just hating myself all day.

[Ivan @Ivandarling2006]

Like I was nothing, I even found out my classmates were exposed by using AI to get answers through their graduation. I was disappointed, disgusting and shocked that they were famous on their performances, they DON'T even appreciate my performance which I work hard.

[Ivan @Ivandarling2006]

In 2025 at Senior High School in Grade 11 I was surprised to be fully impressed that I'm almost closer to Grade 12, but in here in Grade 11 was not my luck to find real friends or to my classmates. They didn't want to talk to me or ask me anything, they just told me to leave.

[Ivan @Ivandarling2006]

Why do I deserve this miserable curse existence? I keep telling myself I'm fine but I'm not fine from any of this. The only way to move on and move forward is me not asking anything from everyone that silent me down and not telling my experiences in the Philippines.

[Ivan @Ivandarling2006]

My 4th Suicide was jumping off the window in school in my classroom at the 2nd floor. I looked at myself and my hands were shaking all day, I stop myself again and not telling my classmates that I need help or even asking any teachers about my mental health. I pray all day.

[Ivan @Ivandarling2006]

It went on to 2024 to 2025 that I left group forever and I never experienced a group of friends being utterly inappropriate underage despite knowing the consequences. I didn't report and I didn't get help from anyone because if I do report them, I might get into dramas.

[Ivan @Ivandarling2006]

It was the worst group of friends ever. They were racists, offenders, nazis, ragebaiters, toxics, and trolls saying the N Word, R slur, F Slur, always supporting The Mustache Man, trolling in Roblox games, and not only they were watching Porn from away of their parents.

[Ivan @Ivandarling2006]

(Warning: Bullying, Racism, Harassment, Racial Slurs, Etc.)

My Experiences in a Miserable Life Story (2019-2026)

In 2019, I tried to stop thinking that my Dad had married a new Girlfriend who is a Gold-digger, she didn't regret anything, she didn't care about nothing.

[Ivan @Ivandarling2006]

In 2024 in school I was in Grade 9 to 10. Things went to Good to downright horrible. I was only having fun a bit but that doesn't come from my bullies hitting me, laughing at me, mocking me, and ruining me that I'm nobody. Especially I joined a real group of friends on messenger.

[Ivan @Ivandarling2006]

In 2023 I almost committed my 3rd suicide in school I was about to jump off the top building that nobody see me. I had to stop myself again and decided I would never have real friends in reality world, no girlfriend, no happiness, just suffering pain and giving everything away.

[Ivan @Ivandarling2006]

In 2022 I suffer from PTSD was more longer fear to suffer last year now it hasn't been clear that I have been recovering so far. I was so exhausted, my eyes are stressful, I'm tired, I'm hopeless, useless, and I couldn't take it anymore. I tired finding real friends but no luck.

[Ivan @Ivandarling2006]

I almost committed my 2nd Suicide holding scissors to my neck to cut my throat off bleeding but I pull myself down and let it go crying in mental breakdown and stressful that I was Traumatised enough from the Am Bc Mist. Even them hacking to other users on YouTube.

[Ivan @Ivandarling2006]

No arrest, no justice, and no action was taken. Liars, Trolls, Racist, Creeps, and Aggressive for all Am Bc Mist Trolls were the worst trolls in 2021 to 2024 before they all Collapsed and left the internet as cowardice predatory trolls. Sending porn to children is NOT a troll.

[Ivan @Ivandarling2006]

Him and in his troll discord server with his Leader the Am Bc Mist have not taken full responsibility and full accountability when changed and suddenly like Gacha Life. That doesn't changed anything for their sinful crimes in the internet and that was utterly unforgivable.