Swamp Witch

Fantasy writer and author of @TimeBangers

[Swamp Witch @IveryKirk]

⚡️ “King of Prussia Mall - Why Go Anywhere Else to Die”

https://t.co/1B01KtzivH

Assembled by request. Not joking. I love you for asking.

[Swamp Witch @IveryKirk]

who says johnson county residents are out of touch?

[Swamp Witch @IveryKirk]

trawling facebook marketplace for dollhouse listings and noticed the dad from this doll family has been practicing his close up magic for the key party tonight

i did NOT notice his son's severed foot till after i'd already made this joke to my friend on whatsapp

[Swamp Witch @IveryKirk]

@KCLibrary but also like, unprecedented hot take on decanters

[Swamp Witch @IveryKirk]

mostly joking but i was VERY fucking annoyed when i couldn't find the exact verbatim quote of kitty's line about thicc mints in turner's birthday episode. seriously though the internet is supposed to be for this exact purpose. @RealQuincyYoung honestly though, i really love Q.

[Swamp Witch @IveryKirk]

this google search pisses me off
i don't need a fucking cake recipe which u already know because, algorithms
thanks fr ruining valentine's day and if this is the cred their show gets I'm never going to be heartfelt sci fi friends with @realquincyyoung what is even the point FUCK

[Swamp Witch @IveryKirk]

@nicknewt plus I always loved how unflappably the gentle spirit Richardson persisted in loving genuflection to his patron no matter how shittily Farnum berated him for worshipping antlers. who's nimble as a forest creature NOW EB?

[Swamp Witch @IveryKirk]

@goblinranger @RahulKohli13 everybody's excel mat except mine is so fucking clean. seriously hats off to you goblin. your work space is pretty. ❤

[Swamp Witch @IveryKirk]

"Too long have you watched her under your eyelids and haunted her steps." Éomer grasped his sword.
"You lie," said Wormtongue. "lmao"

[Josh RR Jokien @joshcarlosjosh]

“I wish it need not have happened in my time,” said Frodo.

“lmao" said Gandalf, “well it has.”

[Swamp Witch @IveryKirk]

I had one of those monkey dolls with thumb and fingers that can go in its mouth and was aghast that nobody thought monkey deserved to eat. I partially filled its head with the seeds from inside canned green beans because they were the only food that fit

[Kristen Mulrooney @missmulrooney]

2-year-old wandered away with an apple and came back empty handed. I said “Where’s your apple? Apple cores go in the trash,” and she looked at me funny and said “No, I always put my apple cores underneath.” UNDERNEATH WHAT?? I AM ALARMED.

[Swamp Witch @IveryKirk]

@Rubberbandits just now I can't lay hands on anything more tenderly romantic than making one's partner a gooby cake. like on a weeknight

[Swamp Witch @IveryKirk]

seems legit

[Swamp Witch @IveryKirk]

oh beautiful, don't mind if i... oh. huh.

[Swamp Witch @IveryKirk]

this asshole trying use the word "antique" to sell their mass manufactured plastic dollhouse for more than playmobil currently wants for it new

[Swamp Witch @IveryKirk]

@nicknewt I had an ERP thing last week that came to me because user was getting an error when they ran an integration. security problem they said. I pulled the system event and was like, this went through 4 people and not a single one thought to... read the error message? wrong template.

[Swamp Witch @IveryKirk]

@SappyGemstone $150 and I got the car ready

[Swamp Witch @IveryKirk]

desperately needs reupholstered but for this price if i were looking for a sofa that fits the era and feel of my own adorable house i'd consider taking this one on for a project. my comment for the seller though is i'm VERY invested in knowing more about this butt collection

[Swamp Witch @IveryKirk]

@smakire oh Dennis. what're you doin.

[Swamp Witch @IveryKirk]

absolutely fucking not. you can't fucking center the design on your sloppy reupholster? or was it just so badly done that it traveled? either way i'm ashamed for you.

the seller's first name is atticus. i'm unsure why i take vague umbrage to this. got some stuff to unpack there

[Swamp Witch @IveryKirk]

@parva_x I like how outraged both their side pieces are to be relegated to secondary status just because of this fucking, ugh, royal wedding.

[Swamp Witch @IveryKirk]

@parva_x hey do you get the feeling they're trying to hint he might be gay or something? cause like, he's marrying this hetero foodie who keeps talking about roast duck but then there's this tickle fight with his friend so like what's he doing with his life

[Swamp Witch @IveryKirk]

ok actually
i don't hate it
and i really don't hate that slashed price tag.
i mean if i were in the market tonight for a fun vibe velvet couch that will cave in on itself in 7 to 9 years

i'm saying a little prayer that one day i will be

[Swamp Witch @IveryKirk]

a. beautiful, absolutely beautiful.
b. $1500 are you fucking high this is not worthpoint lady. this is local pickup selling to randos on facebook, show some self respect
c. i'm not a fucking idiot, i see that baby in your profile pic & i know what you're about no ma'am