JCPS Satire

This account is a commentary on the interactions between students and JCPS. For satire use only.

[JCPS Satire @JCPS_PR]

Despite the white-hot rage from local Facebook parent groups fighting over whether or not we should cancel, there's still quite a bit of new ice on the roads. As a result, we will be on NTI today.

Help keep everybody heated by posting, "But the roads are just fine by my house!"

[JCPS Satire @JCPS_PR]

Did you by any chance attend JCPS? If so, you make a compelling case; we clearly failed you. Or should have.

[Anthony Hale @Anthony34233109]

Louisville KY education sucks out loud the teacher doesn't no English and JCPS finding ways to commit fraud in its education to cancel busing making children walk to school at temperature below zero and I still haven't seen any security or metal detector on school grounds

[JCPS Satire @JCPS_PR]

You guys are going to be so psyched when you find out where that $188 million budget shortfall really went!

[JCPS Satire @JCPS_PR]

Look at the glass as half-full: when you develop crippling PTSD from your school bus sliding into oncoming traffic in the freeway this morning, take comfort in the fact that we haven't eliminated mental health practitioners from all the schools!

[JCPS Satire @JCPS_PR]

@Point_BlankB Oh, we're definitely thinking about it.

We're going to think about it even harder now.

[JCPS Satire @JCPS_PR]

It's time again for our favorite two words: Decision Pending!

Will they? Won't they? Let's keep the suspense alive!

[JCPS Satire @JCPS_PR]

If we do another NTI day, half of you will be mad. If we have a normal school day, the other half of you will be mad. So we've decided to do a third, worse thing.

JCPS will operate on a two hour delay, to provide you additional time to wade to school.

[JCPS Satire @JCPS_PR]

Please be patient. We're working on something here...

[JCPS Satire @JCPS_PR]

The kids are already doing math again. Nature is healing.

[JCPS Satire @JCPS_PR]

The weather outside is offending
And the snow seems never-ending
Another snow day's proposed
Everyone around us is closed
But JCPS is "Decision Pending"

[JCPS Satire @JCPS_PR]

@bigweb57 Enjoy your snow day. We'll pretend we are still decision pending for Friday though.

[JCPS Satire @JCPS_PR]

This is our last-ditch effort: to get everyone so heated that the side roads become passable.

[JCPS Satire @JCPS_PR]

Anyway, take the next couple of days off to reflect on this lesson!

[JCPS Satire @JCPS_PR]

This is why punctuation is so important. We've taken the liberty of fixing your tweet for you:

"Y'all! Don't cancel tomorrow, y'all!
- Some Idiots"

[JCPS Satire @JCPS_PR]

Okay kids, go ahead and enjoy your extended winter break!

We plan to have so much fun keeping you guessing about Tuesday's status all day tomorrow!

[JCPS Satire @JCPS_PR]

Temperatures: Freezing
Snow: Falling
Ice: Incoming
Roads: Terrible
Driving: Hazardous
Decision: Pending

[JCPS Satire @JCPS_PR]

Obviously we're having a tough time deciding. There are a lot of factors to weigh and consider.

[JCPS Satire @JCPS_PR]

PRO: Extending winter break will increase parents' appreciation of the school system.
CON: Kids might not learn the proper spelling of "skoo."

[JCPS Satire @JCPS_PR]

You're probably wondering if you're going to have school tomorrow while the entire state of Kentucky is encased in ice and snow. But if we told you now, we'd miss out on the comedy of hours of JCPS students begging, threatening, demanding, and honing their argumentation skills.

[JCPS Satire @JCPS_PR]

This sentence is longer-winded than the storm is going to be. 👀💨🍃

@TwilightH0ney