Jeremy Erdheim

[Jeremy Erdheim @JErdheim]

You can go to the dog park without owning dog. I looked it up it’s not illegal

[Jeremy Erdheim @JErdheim]

Everyday I grow more convinced that Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium was a figment of my imagination

[Jeremy Erdheim @JErdheim]

Kid who recently moved from Mississippi and doesn’t realize people don’t just use the state they live in: “1 New Mexico, 2 New Mexico, 3 New Mexico… ready or not here I come!”

[Jeremy Erdheim @JErdheim]

I still wear a mask for the same reason I always did (I forgot to brush my teeth)

[Jeremy Erdheim @JErdheim]

For the past year and a half I’ve been putting on cologne before Zoom meetings. Who am I trying to impress? My keyboard?

[Jeremy Erdheim @JErdheim]

When I schedule emails I don’t want it to be obvious that they are scheduled

[Jeremy Erdheim @JErdheim]

I found out today that my parents don’t believe in the Oxford comma. If they tell me they use semi-colons I’m emancipating.

[Jeremy Erdheim @JErdheim]

That little section of the highway after a toll booth where there are no lanes is the closest we come to anarchy

[Jeremy Erdheim @JErdheim]

Correcting people about your and you’re is a lost cause. Let’s focus our efforts on apart and a part

[Jeremy Erdheim @JErdheim]

As a generation, we can eradicate the spelling of words like laugh and cough. It will be ruf but we can get throo it if we try hard enuf.

[Jeremy Erdheim @JErdheim]

People with spikes on their car tires have hairy toes

[Jeremy Erdheim @JErdheim]

My love language is telling people their phone flashlight is on when they don’t realize

[Jeremy Erdheim @JErdheim]

How do people get their friends to invest thousands of dollars in their startups? I have a $6 Venmo request pending from a friend for an Uber we took 3 weeks ago.

[Jeremy Erdheim @JErdheim]

If anybody has an extra fan I lost mine. 4th row front right #canegrad

[Jeremy Erdheim @JErdheim]

Does this make up for not going to med school mom?

[Jeremy Erdheim @JErdheim]

What is the proper number of ha’s to put in a work email? Hahaha seems disingenuous but Hahahaha is just out of control

[Jeremy Erdheim @JErdheim]

“How was that shower?”-every person whose house I stay at

[Jeremy Erdheim @JErdheim]

I just found out the abbreviation of “casual” is written as “caszh” and that’s not caszh at all

[Jeremy Erdheim @JErdheim]

You must have a high coefficient of friction because you’re rubbing me the wrong way

[MrBeast @MrBeast]

In 24 hours I’m going to give one random person that retweets this tweet $10,000 in Bitcoin! (Yup, gonna experiment with this instead of cash haha) Make sure you follow me so I can dm you if you win :)