Joel Haesecke

Enjoys questioning reality and physical altercations. My goal is to prepare delicious yet challenging bowls of word salad.

[Ricky Gervais @rickygervais]

The Bible is as true now as it ever was.

[Patton Oswalt @pattonoswalt]

"Have they found any semen on that comet?" -- Nancy Grace, probably

[Joel Haesecke @JHaesecke]

http://t.co/GUO0gvoASC via @youtube

[Joel Haesecke @JHaesecke]

Bad coffee is like bad sex. I'm sure it exists, but it still gets the job done. #goodmorning #coffee #yourewelcome #riseandshine

[Joel Haesecke @JHaesecke]

Joel Haesecke Open Mic Waco (part 2): http://t.co/uvtKigBAgj

[Joel Haesecke @JHaesecke]

I think it's awesome that you can always tell when someone is exercise walking versus normal. I mean you're still just walking #yourewelcome

[Joel Haesecke @JHaesecke]

It's not that I don't enjoy interacting with people before I get my coffee, it's that THEY don't enjoy it. I drink coffee for you. #Morning

[Joel Haesecke @JHaesecke]

Coffee makes the hate get smaller. #goodmorning #riseandshine #coffee #iloveyounow

[Joel Haesecke @JHaesecke]

There is love in this world. It turns out, your heart has to be open to it to find it, which is terrifying. #loveisterrifying #worthittho

[B.o.B @bobatl]

“Be careful who you call your friends. I’d rather have 4 quarters than 100 pennies”

- Al Capone

[Joel Haesecke @JHaesecke]

I think my kids are candy hungover. One of them just rubbed their eyes staring at the remnants and asked "what happened last night?" #mylife

[Joel Haesecke @JHaesecke]

I like Halloween. It's one of the only pagan holidays that doesn't pretend like it's something else. #doesntchurchitup #HappyHalloween

[Joel Haesecke @JHaesecke]

@rustyrockets You're like a modern day Jesus upsetting the religious. Except with better hair... and you actually exist. #keepitup

[Joel Haesecke @JHaesecke]

I'm trying to forgive my father so, hopefully, my son will forgive me some day. #karma #likefatherlikeson #humblemetuna #startingtogetit

[Joel Haesecke @JHaesecke]

I'm a fighter not a lover. If you're wondering whether I love you, I dont. You wouldn't wonder. You'd know. #troof #someofyallknowiloveyou

[George Carlin RIP @GeorgeCarlinSez]

I worship the sun, but I don't pray to it. I pray to Joe Pesci, because he looks like a guy who can get things done. ~ George Carlin #p2

[Joel Haesecke @JHaesecke]

All I have ever wanted was to be able to secure a contract to play sports profesionally... then get injured. #Icandream #payforsit #dreams

[Joel Haesecke @JHaesecke]

Nobody is watching what these kids are doing on that bus... nobody. #lackofsupervision #wildnout #crazykids #disd

[Joel Haesecke @JHaesecke]

The Pugilist's Pain http://t.co/0Dfxg2XUXz