Jason Heyman

And they said being this awesome wasn't possible...

[Jason Heyman @JHey3000]

For what it's worth, accidentally leaving your oven on for two weeks adds $95 to your electric bill. #Oops

[Jason Heyman @JHey3000]

@MarriottRewards 1 #RewardsPoints

[Jason Heyman @JHey3000]

@MarriottRewards 1992 #RewardsPoints

[Jason Heyman @JHey3000]

@MarriottRewards 14 #RewardsPoints

[Jason Heyman @JHey3000]

@MarriottRewards @NFL 1951 #RewardsPoints

[Jason Heyman @JHey3000]

@MarriottRewards @NFL 160 Feet #RewardsPoints

[Jason Heyman @JHey3000]

@MarriottRewards @NFL 16 #rewardspoints

[Jason Heyman @JHey3000]

@MarriottRewards @NFL 11 #RewardsPoints

[Jason Heyman @JHey3000]

@MarriottRewards Canton, Ohio #RewardsPoints

[Jason Heyman @JHey3000]

As I got in my car this morning, July 5th, my neighbor shouted, "Great day to be retired!" Damn, he's right. #4thHangover #WhyIsWorkSpinning

[Jason Heyman @JHey3000]

@Matt_Ski12 Haha I just now saw this... You're welcome for the opportunity to "enhance your skillset" Plus I'm bringing you back Greek liquor so shut up

[Jason Heyman @JHey3000]

Dear Science,

It's 2017. And we still dont have a cure for hangovers!?

#Priorities

[Jason Heyman @JHey3000]

I woke up to vomit in my safe. I appreciate drunk me's attempt at hiding the evidence.

[Jason Heyman @JHey3000]

Woke up and my phone has beer under its cracked screen. Life is fun.

[Jason Heyman @JHey3000]

I love when ppl are offended if u can't spell their name. Guess what Emalee!? I wasn't there when you were born and you're mother is stupid.

[Jason Heyman @JHey3000]

There's a leprechaun vomiting in the bathroom in Williamson. I love St. Patrick's day!

[Jason Heyman @JHey3000]

Roundtrip flights to Europe. $382 in September. Need to book ASAP. Who's down to join?

[Jason Heyman @JHey3000]

Tom Brady can win five Super Bowls. But I can't muster up the motivation to vacuum my car.

[Jason Heyman @JHey3000]

Frankly, Lady Gaga was more entertaining than the 1st half. And I want a drone. #SuperBowl

[Jason Heyman @JHey3000]

Flight has inauguration playing live. Seatmate and I decided to drink every time @andersoncooper says "balls." #NowWeAreDrunk #Inauguration