Jess

who’s that girl

[Jess @JMerr6]

I realize I only tweet about like 3 things, but honestly it’s just so nice to sit in my car alone blasting AC & David Guetta circa 2011 🫠🫠🫠

[Jess @JMerr6]

Just got influenced to buy a $55 lash serum…this is why I can’t scroll insta while my toddler takes an over 2 hour nap 🤦🏼‍♀️

[Jess @JMerr6]

I never see as many white suvs in one place like I do at my hair salon

[Jess @JMerr6]

Why is small talk with strangers always so fucking awkward, oh wait..

[Jess @JMerr6]

My therapy: sitting in my car alone blasting rap preparing to go into shoprite before a snowstorm. 👍🏻🙃

[Jess @JMerr6]

Never thought I’d be that crotchety old woman pissed off about hearing fireworks from inside her house. Yet here I am staring at the baby monitor waiting for them to end. 🙄🙄🙄

[Jess @JMerr6]

Here me out, coffee doesn’t taste as good if you can’t smell it. Put it in my yeti this morning and it’s just not the same.

[Jess @JMerr6]

Just found a new way to calm Ben down...dance party blasting my “Beach House 2019” playlist 😂 So glad he’s a fan too #momwin

[Jess @JMerr6]

Never thought I’d be so excited to go to the dentist. Baby-free car, coffee in hand and blasting my rap music. Although, also excited to blast rap music in the car with him one day 🤪

[Jess @JMerr6]

Just asked the Walgreens cashier if they Amazon price match, to which he said no. Like okay I will leave and wait 2 business days 👋🏻👋🏻

[Jess @JMerr6]

I miss summer 2019.

[Jess @JMerr6]

I need a vacation.

[Jess @JMerr6]

Mine woke up 5 times, had 3 blow out diapers, screamed for an hour and spit up everywhere. But same same same, sooo well rested today!!

[Jess @JMerr6]

Really hate seeing insta moms on stories like “omg so well rested today, my baby slept SO well last night” hahahaha cool, good for you bitch and your dumb baby.

[Jess @JMerr6]

Haven’t been here in a while. Back on my bullshit because lots of stuff to complain about with #momlife

[Jess @JMerr6]

I miss summer quarantine

[Dave Portnoy @stoolpresidente]

95% of people in this country are normal. The extreme right sucks and extreme left suck. Both sides filled with lunatics, crazies and morons. And almost all politicians are hypocrites who manipulate these idiots for personal gain. And no I won’t run for President.I’d rather die

[Jess @JMerr6]

I honestly don’t remember the movie Casper being so sad, dunno if it’s just the pregnancy hormones or what, but I’m legit crying my eyes out rn.

[Jess @JMerr6]

I may have not ate healthy, worked out or discovered the meaning of life during quarantine over these last 5 months, but I did start flossing regularly and I’m pretty proud of it lol

[Jess @JMerr6]

We’ve got our masks on, green smoothies in hand. The most millennial granola fucks heading to the beach you’ve ever seen 😂