Miles McAlpin

I make dad jokes on Twitter and bootleg action figures on Instagram: @ SirCollectALot.

[Miles McAlpin @JMilesM]

Why do they call it a eulogy and not thanks for coming to my dead talk?

[Miles McAlpin @JMilesM]

How small does your dick have to be to park like this?

[Sir Collect-a-Lot @sircollectalot]

New shirts just dropped. All sizes, $35 shipped. 🤙

[Miles McAlpin @JMilesM]

@BrickSmitHouse Which Woburn location?

[Miles McAlpin @JMilesM]

The Cavs might stink, folks.

[Miles McAlpin @JMilesM]

The chat on this illegal stream for the game is out of pocket.

[Miles McAlpin @JMilesM]

@DUDEwipes I never leave home without em.

[Miles McAlpin @JMilesM]

I’ve found god.

[DUDE Wipes @DUDEwipes]

@JMilesM Hope you’ve found wipes

[Miles McAlpin @JMilesM]

@mageeclegg Guy brought his phone into my sauna last week! He was also fully clothed including shoes.

[Miles McAlpin @JMilesM]

“Hey, Siri - play Flake by Jack Johnson.”

[Sir Collect-a-Lot @sircollectalot]

“He just quit is corporate job to sell action figures he makes in his basement. Now have his wife tell him she’s pregnant when he walks in the door.”

[Miles McAlpin @JMilesM]

@FrankieBorrelli

[Sir Collect-a-Lot @sircollectalot]

Going to invent a new kind of fart tonight.

[Miles McAlpin @JMilesM]

@ATTHelp Can’t send DM, message me

[Miles McAlpin @JMilesM]

AT&T might employ the dumbest people on god's green earth.

[Sir Collect-a-Lot @sircollectalot]

Summer outfit sorted.

[Miles McAlpin @JMilesM]

Have depressed people tried iced coffee and Jack Johnson?

[Miles McAlpin @JMilesM]

I won’t tell anyone when I win the lottery, but there will be signs.

[Miles McAlpin @JMilesM]

Home is wherever I’m with you.

[Sir Collect-a-Lot @sircollectalot]

I may be crazy, but I am free.