Dr.J-Phil

“Im all about that 7%”

[King Trout @The_King_Trout]

I don't mean to be tellin' tales out of school, but there's a feller in there that'll pay you ten dollars if you sing into his can.

[King Trout @The_King_Trout]

You bolt awake on a couch in a basement:
“Pursuit of Happiness” by Kid Cudi is blaring in another room. The year is 2010. You’re at a house party.
“I told you this gas station spice was crazy!” your friend Hunter tells you.

[The Fat Electrician @Fat_Electrician]

If you let the same guy rob you at gunpoint every day for 50 years because he promised he was “just keeping it safe” and would give it all back later.

Then one day you see him robbing your adult kids at gunpoint. Do you:

A: Realize this is insane.

B: Yell at your kids to stop complaining and just give him the money so he can pay you back.

This post definitely is not about Social Security.

[Donut Operator 🍩 @DonutOperator]

@DefiantLs What an odd thing to say, Scott

[Dr.J-Phil @JPHIL1337]

@The_King_Trout Fucking clanker

[King Trout @The_King_Trout]

Maybe it happened, but TEN MILLION fireflies??

[JD Flynn @jdflynn]

buddy, I was writing 10 page papers without having read the book.

[King Trout @The_King_Trout]

You can just throw random bullshit into a crockpot on low for 5 or 6 hours and there’s like a 96% chance it will taste good as fuck.

[The Fat Electrician @Fat_Electrician]

“Have you even read Marx?”

A. Yes.

B. Even if I hadn’t, the idea that someone has to read thousands of pages of bullshit before they’re allowed to determine it’s bullshit is retarded.

If I write a 3,000-page book explaining why slamming your dick in a car door cures cancer, nobody is obligated to read the whole thing to conclude I’m a fucking moron.

[Twis rasim @Blazt]

Lockdown immediately

[Dr.J-Phil @JPHIL1337]

@thelioma_meso @Apple Nope

[Dr.J-Phil @JPHIL1337]

@Apple how does one listen to this at a low volume?

[duck says @ducksays]

boomers right now that are forced to lower their home prices by 5%

[Brandon Herrera @TheAKGuy]

I would like to personally thank @SStricklandMMA for the money he just made me tonight.

USA baby 🇺🇸 🇺🇸 🇺🇸

[Dr.J-Phil @JPHIL1337]

Tip of this dick

[Redd @ReddCinema]

How much would you tip the casino if you just won $100,000??

[rave* @rareblurs]

i’ll tip my hat to em on the way out

[dan nolan @dannolan]

I’m not dying from some fucking hentai virus