Darkness in my mind. Mostly caused by what you need at work, but some of it is from
my own…*casts about in his mind for the word…* lassitude.
*rubs forehead, absently at first, then firmly, til his skin flames red*
<<Jimmy muse departed suddenly after the last entries; I’m saddened and sorry that he did. Perhaps during the Christmas break, he’ll
pop his head up again. I enjoyed his speaking though me again. #science#emotions>>
10 AM: Jim strides into the conference room, eyes focused on the lectern, and lays his brief down.
Today he’s not in his usual crisp, white lab coat and baggy khakis. Today he’s slipped into a new skin. No lab rat shows up to scurry around, babble off a report, and skitter off.
eyes, but mostly, I saw genuine concern. (I did once my arrogance and super self-defensiveness faded.)
Okay, he’s a doctor. Of course he would be concerned.
But it felt different. Not obligatory, but genuine. Collegial.
Kind.
Today, I felt like the first time we really interacted — that time that I fell off a boat. The new guy on the larger team of the BAU-Quantico forensics group, a guy I had seen in passing, reached his hands down and dragged me up onto the boat deck. I looked and felt like a
Benny Hill sketch sans the girls in bikinis. My arms flailed and pinwheeled, and I’m pretty damned sure something akin to a squeak or squeal or maybe a butch yelp escaped my lips as I fell backward.
Dammit. I hate being embarrassed.
But I digress.
There was humor in his
doesn’t mean I will be flustered or fumble or my tongue will trip over itself when I give my report.
“It’ll be alright,” he mumbles, turning onto his right side, breathing deeply in, exhaling slowly. Sleep tugs at his eyes, and somehow he’s landed in a peaceful state.
Sunday night and Jimmy lies in bed, eyes watching shadows on the ceiling. His hands, laced lightly on his chest, are not reflections of his thoughts. He’s still chest-breathing, not given over to any semblance of heavy-lidded drowsiness or the belly-breathing of the relaxed.
“It’ll be fine,” he says out loud. “It’ll be fine. We can work together, we have been working together. Just because…”
He can’t say the next words out loud, but they thrum through his mind. Just because I read his words, just because I saw inside his thoughts,