Jesse Porter

This isn't funny stuff... it's mostly just complaints about the Cubs. There might be humor at @TheJessePorter, but probably not.

[Jesse Porter @JPorterhouse]

@PowrWhit92214 @NFL @NFLPlus Also, "maybe quarterback should learn not to act like clowns" is just a beautiful reinterpretation of how English works.

[Jesse Porter @JPorterhouse]

@PowrWhit92214 @NFL @NFLPlus Ohhh he's definitely done for the year?? Thank you, doctor. Was waiting for official word. Always nice to have the medical opinion delivered by someone qualified.

[Jesse Porter @JPorterhouse]

@HolidayDoc67755 @Cubs Yes, good call, it's MLB who is "promoting non-Americans," and not "recruiting the best talent from around the world." But maybe that can be illegal soon too once your guy is done deporting all the good scientists and doctoral students 👏🏼

[Jesse Porter @JPorterhouse]

@nytopinion @amychozick I knew that what this crisis was lacking was an opinion piece lionizing Rudy Giuliani, Andrew Cuomo, and Dirty Harry, those paragons of clear-headed virtue and civic morality.

(No women agreed to be name-checked as potential heroes in this piece, by the way?)

[Jesse Porter @JPorterhouse]

@WatchMarquee I do believe the quote was "roast beef at the Ritz," JD, not "steak." Obviously the ironic juxtaposition is much stronger with something elegant and rarified like "roast beef."

[Jesse Porter @JPorterhouse]

@ESPNMilwaukee Lovely. Milwaukee is obviously a city of great class and decorum, with unshakable reverence for its sports heroes past and present.

(Crazy that they could get the entire City Council to appear in this video, btw.)

[Jesse Porter @JPorterhouse]

@kotathemetsfan That may be true. But if it turns out he is, LA can basically build themselves an All-Star team for the entire duration of his contract. A brief superteam where big contracts happen to overlap may not be bad for the sport, but a decade of a single superteam is a terrible idea.

[Jesse Porter @JPorterhouse]

@kotathemetsfan Do you really not get how it's inherently problematic for the best player in baseball to say "don't worry about paying me while I'm here... I'll play basically for free... just surround me with other great players so that we're the best team on paper the whole time I'm there."

[Jesse Porter @JPorterhouse]

@kotathemetsfan Calm down. You misunderstand me. I don't object to the contract, I object to the deferral. I agree with you that "he's a once in a lifetime player with a contract to match." But if a team's going to spend $700/10, they should have to pay it NOW, not later.

[Jesse Porter @JPorterhouse]

@kotathemetsfan Haha...yeah, I'm sure me being annoyed about this is going to attract a whole new generation of fans to the sport.

That's really your argument? That the conversation this generates (most of it negative) is GOOD for baseball? Just like the '94 strike was good for baseball, right?

[Jesse Porter @JPorterhouse]

@H_D_2019 @ESPNLosAngeles @JeffPassan Yes, and that's how it should be. If you're going to spend all your money on an absurd contract for one marquee player, why should ARod have expected to be surrounded by other great players? Do we WANT teams just buying their way into championships? Isn't that a bad thing?

[Jesse Porter @JPorterhouse]

@kotathemetsfan Exactly, because the Dodgers can sign more people now. They currently have the best player in baseball plus two more who were MVP candidates this year. How could it possibly be considered a "good" thing (for any baseball fan outside LA) for them to be able to sign more players?

[Jesse Porter @JPorterhouse]

If @MSNBC is keen to retain their viewership, they might advise @JonLemire to avoid disparaging the Bears during the course of his broadcasts. Northern Illinois is still part of the rust belt. Tread carefully. It's @WayTooEarly for me to be this mad about something apolitical.

[Jesse Porter @JPorterhouse]

@BoogSciambi The Boog/JD "Ty Cobb / cantankerous" exchange already wins the McNugget of the Day for Banter, and it's only the third inning.

[Jesse Porter @JPorterhouse]

@GummyBlocks No one expected the Cubs to compete this year — Stroman knew exactly what he was signing up for. Winning records come and go, but there's simply no club that players are more excited to suit up for than the Cubbies. Any true baseball fan understands that.

[Jesse Porter @JPorterhouse]

@bethmaurer But also... under $1M in prime West Hollywood? You figure 50k additional to get that dungeon bathroom removed, and you're looking at a bargain.

[Jesse Porter @JPorterhouse]

I truly don't think I've retweeted more than three things in about twelve years of having an account but this is pretty immaculate.

[Chicago Cubs @Cubs]

I’ve come here to chew bubblegum and strike you out.

And I’m all out of bubblegum.

[Jesse Porter @JPorterhouse]

@realnyteams @TylerKepner Pitching and FIELDING are two completely different extremely difficult skills as well. As we've seen on numerous occasions, plenty of players are excellent at one and bad at the other. And generally, those players don't make the majors. (Unless they slink off to the AL and DH.)

[Jesse Porter @JPorterhouse]

@realnyteams @TylerKepner So... your argument is that sports fans shouldn't be allowed to comment on professional athletes unless they themselves possess the athleticism and skill levels of professional athletes?

You lost me there.

[Jesse Porter @JPorterhouse]

Traditionalists, who comprise a majority of fans, get one begrudging nod ("there is strategic intrigue about when to pinch-hit") in @TylerKepner's new @nytimes pro-DH screed, while perennial most-hated-man-in-baseball Scott Boras is quoted 37 times. That should change some minds!