J.R.R Tolkien

I wrote the Hobbit, Lord of the Rings, and The Silmarillion. But there are things I forgot to add so stay updated

[J.R.R Tolkien @JRRTolkien9]

@Civvie11 Pro Rage When Civvie? I love the game, looking forward to see someone else’s opinion on it

[J.R.R Tolkien @JRRTolkien9]

@Civvie11 Pro Shadow Warrior when Civvie?

[J.R.R Tolkien @JRRTolkien9]

@Civvie11 Congrats man.
Pro Alpha Protocal when?

[J.R.R Tolkien @JRRTolkien9]

@Civvie11 As a Pro Doom Player, what is your opinion on the Maurader in Doom Eternal?

[J.R.R Tolkien @JRRTolkien9]

I just finished Shadow of War in the Timewarp of the afterlife. All I gotta say is nice work @MonolithDev. The only change I would make is the fusion between Sauron and Celembrimor being a aggressive handjob

[J.R.R Tolkien @JRRTolkien9]

After being stuck in a timewarp in the afterlife for a while I'm back to Twitter. Son if you're there I love you. Back to changes

[J.R.R Tolkien @JRRTolkien9]

After Aragorn was crowned King, he finally pounded that sweet Elven snatch, but their union ended when one evening he cried out Legolas' name.

[J.R.R Tolkien @JRRTolkien9]

Hobbits are meant to show the success of communism and isolationist groupthink

[J.R.R Tolkien @JRRTolkien9]

When I brought LoTR 1st draft to my publishers they were not three separate books but one twice as thick as the bible. I dropped it on the table and the building collapsed, three people died that day, one was my editor. "Spread them out" were his last words

[J.R.R Tolkien @JRRTolkien9]

@Tim_Schwe Well, during the Uruk Orgy in Two Towers I left out because my editor said “What are you smoking?” Mary was at the top of the pile and Pippin was in the middle somewhere. Pippin loved anal penetration but this was not with his consent

[J.R.R Tolkien @JRRTolkien9]

Not that you’re aware of

[J.R.R Tolkien @JRRTolkien9]

The Eagle races favorite past time is to use their incredible vision to watch halflings gangbangs that they are too dignified to join

[J.R.R Tolkien @JRRTolkien9]

@horysh3t So you eat ass, Frodo also ate Samwise's ass

[J.R.R Tolkien @JRRTolkien9]

Orcs are perfectly genderfluid and naturally peaceful but Sauron's dark magic caused them all to turn into #genderlocked violent males. #therealvictims

[J.R.R Tolkien @JRRTolkien9]

The Balrog's primary source of nutrients is feces, this is in large part due to the high concentration of methane gas inside dung, which the Balrog needs in order to continually stay lit and thus regulate its body temperature

[J.R.R Tolkien @JRRTolkien9]

While Lembas bread is primarily made of a special corn, it is the elvish semen it is mixed with that gives it amazing nutritious value.

[J.R.R Tolkien @JRRTolkien9]

Hobbit penises are actually very small compared to their body weight, with few exceptions. Most hobbits also have a humiliation fetish.

[J.R.R Tolkien @JRRTolkien9]

The rings were actually marriage rings, and the only reason that the elves, men and dwarves rose up against their polygamous, gay lover Sauron was because HIS ring made him a permanent Dom in the relationship.

[J.R.R Tolkien @JRRTolkien9]

@jk_rowling TFW your audience sees you add lore after your books are finished and try to sound PC

[J.R.R Tolkien @JRRTolkien9]

Gandalf has the highest midichlorian count among the Istari