Judge Smails

I've sentenced boys younger than you to the gas chamber. Didn't want to do it. I felt I owed it to them.
Judge/Your Honor

[Judge Smails @JSmails]

@jarvis_best I have never seen such a poor rendition.

[Judge Smails @JSmails]

@dangitdale66 It does

[Breanna Morello @BreannaMorello]

This is the best video you’ll see all day❤️

[Judge Smails @JSmails]

@baseballcrank As I understand it, it depends upon the casting.

[Judge Smails @JSmails]

@Michellek4040 How could anyone get bored with this?
https://t.co/7lE4zoNYN6

[FOX Sports @FOXSports]

Mikel Merino gets ALL of this ball from Messi 😬

[Judge Smails @JSmails]

@conncarroll Maybe it's because everyone recognizes that is the single most entertaining thing ever to happen in a soccer game, so there's no point in playing any further.
Quit while you're ahead.

[Judge Smails @JSmails]

@GrayConnolly I believe the word you would use is "poncy".

[Judge Smails @JSmails]

@GrayConnolly It's because it is a fall sport in US highschools and thus became the anti-football.
At least through the '90s, the single most common reason a boy might play soccer was that his mother thought football too violent and wouldn't let him play.

[Judge Smails @JSmails]

@Ravarora1 I think the larger problem is that soccer is a hideously boring sport.

[Judge Smails @JSmails]

@_Drew_McCoy_ Except the Muppets.

[Judge Smails @JSmails]

@HormuzReport Send the tanks!

[Judge Smails @JSmails]

@AbakpaJob In the Carboniferous Epoch we were promised abundance for all,
By robbing selected Peter to pay for collective Paul;
But, though we had plenty of money, there was nothing our money could buy,
And the Gods of the Copybook Headings said: "If you don't work you die."

[RedditCFB @RedditCFB]

It’s really cool how they found a way to include all 3 hosts in the World Cup Final:
🇺🇸 Stadium in New Jersey
🇨🇦 Noxious smoke from Canadian wildfires
🇲🇽 Explosive diarrhea parasite from Mexico

[FanDuel Racing @FanDuel_Racing]

JOURNALISM!!!

After a terrible start, the classy Journalism won the $300,000 San Diego Handicap (G2) at @DelMarRacing. The @mwmracing-trainee was ridden by @umbyrispoli. @coolmoreamerica

[Judge Smails @JSmails]

@jarvis_best So it was truly Greek.

[Judge Smails @JSmails]

@patrickhealynyt @nytimes Why has there never been any reckoning with the Times firing three editors, including the Ed page editor, for publishing an op-ed from a sitting Senator, who was expressing an opinion held by 80% of the American people?

[Judge Smails @JSmails]

@flyingmango66 @barstoolsports It was at the time.

[Judge Smails @JSmails]

@England @FIFAWorldCup @_DeclanRice I think you should bring on defensive substitutes now and pack the front of the goal. Just run out the clock.