Michael Touchton

[Michael Touchton @J_M_Touchton]

@pitbull @pitbull u still in Sweden? My friend Beau and Ashley are there. It’d be mighty kind of you if you could swing by and tell them hello. What’s your mobile?

[Michael Touchton @J_M_Touchton]

@LynchBrittnee Well yeah - they'll spoil if you don't. You're doing the right thing (also go get more snacks).

[Michael Touchton @J_M_Touchton]

@djryan @bmstores @UniversalPics Cereals these days are jumping the _____.

[Michael Touchton @J_M_Touchton]

@PardonMyMeme @HanselFranzel

[Michael Touchton @J_M_Touchton]

@HanselFranzel He's gonna go to the Marlins and they're going to win thousands (if not millions) of championships.

[Michael Touchton @J_M_Touchton]

@GordonRamsay can you please rate my recipe? They’re called beef bundles. You make sloppy joe mix and then pop open a can of Pillsbury biscuits and put a spoonful of the sloppy joe mix in the center. Bundle it up and cook in a muffin pan. It’s muffins stuffed with sloppy joes.

[Michael Touchton @J_M_Touchton]

@tomidactyl Not sure… maybe ask your local healthcare provider?

[Michael Touchton @J_M_Touchton]

This UGA/Clemson game is what the Big 10 is all about

[Michael Touchton @J_M_Touchton]

@HanselFranzel How deep does the rabbit hole go?!?!? https://t.co/2uUn54rnMO

[Michael Touchton @J_M_Touchton]

@haleighwma @Runza When it’s hot, I don’t Runza. I Walkza.

[Michael Touchton @J_M_Touchton]

@philipgryan This is the opposite of what I wanted

[Michael Touchton @J_M_Touchton]

@BryanYurcan r/perfectlycutscreams and r/abruptchaos are how I start my mornings

[Michael Touchton @J_M_Touchton]

@ceiussandicus Maybe this is the new barometer for a good product. A miles-long instructions document.

[Michael Touchton @J_M_Touchton]

I... I just wanted to carry my baby in a big fanny pack...

[Michael Touchton @J_M_Touchton]

Sure, this is how it should work...

[Michael Touchton @J_M_Touchton]

@JoeSalome Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas? Con Air? The Great Mouse Detective?

[Michael Touchton @J_M_Touchton]

@JoeSalome Anne of Green Gables

[Michael Touchton @J_M_Touchton]

@philipgryan

[Michael Touchton @J_M_Touchton]

@JoeSalome Can’t I just zip her up in my Jansport and carry her?