Jack and Victor

[Jack and Victor @JackAndVictor_]

What aboot John Wayne?
John Wayne's an arsehole Jack.
Eh?
Aye he was an arsehole in the Sands of Iowa Jima tae.

[Jack and Victor @JackAndVictor_]

Tenner Feechees.
Feechees to you too. Are ye helpin us or whit?
Naw. A tenner fae each eh yeses.

[Jack and Victor @JackAndVictor_]

Ho-ho, it's the two Ronnies.
The two Ronnies is it, aye? Well then, it's shut-up-ya-prick fae me...
...and its shut-up-ya-prick fae him!

[Jack and Victor @JackAndVictor_]

Mibby if ye huv a jobby Martin yer maw kin wipe yer arse fur ye Martin!

[Jack and Victor @JackAndVictor_]

The names bastard, alky bastard licence to get pished!

[Jack and Victor @JackAndVictor_]

There will be no ransacking of homes today,for this peephole has been your undoing, On your way rogue!

[Jack and Victor @JackAndVictor_]

Open the door for I am a bogus gasman was fake ID an am her ate ransack YER HOOSE!!!

[Jack and Victor @JackAndVictor_]

Kin ye see me noo
Just yer leg

[Jack and Victor @JackAndVictor_]

Are your specks classified anaw ya specky auld bastard.

[Jack and Victor @JackAndVictor_]

Yeer oot yer tits on morphine Jack.

[Jack and Victor @JackAndVictor_]

Boof right in the Niagra Falls.
Boot right in the Costa Del Sols.
Boof right in the Davina Mccals.

[Jack and Victor @JackAndVictor_]

Tam aye could you go a pie.
Aye a pie aye.
Aye well come back the morra and get it oot eh there.

[Jack and Victor @JackAndVictor_]

Yes two pies as they come, as per usual frozen in the middle and rid hot on the outside, Irresistible mmmmm

[Jack and Victor @JackAndVictor_]

Us two DJaying.

[Jack and Victor @JackAndVictor_]

Us two at the basketball.

[Jack and Victor @JackAndVictor_]

Aye, that right. Everytime I shag your wife, she makes me a sandwich.

[Jack and Victor @JackAndVictor_]

Ladies and gentleman, Shug and two Polis.
(after Stevie the bookie takes his money) BASTARDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Jack and Victor @JackAndVictor_]

We're no playing 'cairds'. We're playing cards. Cairds are what you play cards wi'.

[Jack and Victor @JackAndVictor_]

Oh look who it is, Batman and Robin!
We'll accept that, aslong as you go as Catwoman ya pussy.

[Jack and Victor @JackAndVictor_]

Hey! Look its Lambert and Butler!
Shut it Boaby. Your the only fag in here.