Master Bateman

purest bestest camper outer ever

[Master Bateman @JackBateman]

https://t.co/zl1kiLbVGb

[Ed MB @EdMBNL]

@fesshole My Mrs has recently said
She'd like one more girl in our bed.
If I sound too willing
As their sandwich filling,
Will that mean next time I'm the bread?

[Master Bateman @JackBateman]

@PicturesFoIder @ExplainThisBob

[issy metcalf @isabeIIeee]

hahahaha please look at this house

https://t.co/cN59qB8lOJ

[Fesshole🧻 @fesshole]

Partner is Italian. Her English is great but sometimes she struggles to find the right word for things. One day she asked me for the medical name for her private parts. I pranked her and thought nothing of it. Next day heard her on the phone to GP enquiring about her sore growler

[Simpsons Quotes @Simpsons_tweets]

"This is Moleman in the morning. Good Moleman to you. Today: Part four of our series of 'The agonizing pain in which I live every day'."

[yoxic @yoxics]

@marcu5y gets more than 6 hrs of sleep 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

[Shutts 🇲🇽 🇨🇼 🇺🇾 🇳🇴 @Shuttsapalooza]

Got kicked out the casino last night for being too drunk, but when I was getting taken out, folk were asking why, I kept saying “card counting” and the bouncer became the most rattled man in the world. Screaming “that’s not why!” at me.

[gigi @420insidejob]

thinking about this

[Niall ☘️ @niallmoran_]

Newcastle vs Sunderland

[George Pointon @GeorgePointon_]

I asked my Year 1 classes to tell me a joke;
Here is my analysis.
A THREAD

[Master Bateman @JackBateman]

@tucker1608 @oscarhy125 and you love me for it

[Master Bateman @JackBateman]

@deku_kirby @sershgamboa @Draftedtua @RobinhoodApp it’s a quote from a comedy skit

[Soulja Boy @souljaboy]

kiss me thru the phone hit different now huh 😷

[Katie Jackson 🛸 @katie_jacksonn]

I will never delete Facebook 😭🤣