from the outside i probably look independent because i moved abroad early and far from my family, built a career and a social network but emotionally i do not think i know how to just be by myself. how do i change this?
If you're not technical you can get the admin password from a sticker on your router (assuming smn else hasn't changed it) and google up a tutorial to do that. You can do it remotely from any device connected to the router.