mayonaise

[violet ^,,^ @swagjesusfan]

(getting back shots) erm…he’s right behind me isn’t he…

[໊ @user0000O0]

i hate realistic dreams like bitch i’m tryna get bitten by a vampire

[mayonaise @Jackie2sss]

@physicalfilm This is gold I laughed

[mayonaise @Jackie2sss]

If I’m taking a shit at tj maxx just know that it’s the craziest shit of my life

[mayonaise @Jackie2sss]

@induhstrial Where where where

[mayonaise @Jackie2sss]

I spilled soda on some guys feet by accident during Oppenheimer like he had birks on and he said “thanks, my feet needed a bath anyway”

[trevy @chillextremist]

You’re 1 Diet Coke away from a breakthrough

[mayonaise @Jackie2sss]

@philly_finance Maybe if she didn’t take the fucking kids we could shop at Aldi together.

[mayonaise @Jackie2sss]

Omg my crush jst followed me I’m blushing and throwing up 🙈

[Alec @surialaw]

The ball is alive and doesn’t like being thrown around like that

[i want to die @xLord_of_war]

nice day outside so you know i’m out there beating on my bare chest like a big gorilla

[matt @mattybtweets69]

When you enter witness protection they just put you in the blue man group

[mayonaise @Jackie2sss]

@philly_finance Don’t ask questions u don’t want answers to.

[mayonaise @Jackie2sss]

@philly_finance For me it’s parking tickets

[Zane Daniel @zanexdaniel]

Inshallah he is wimpy

[mayonaise @Jackie2sss]

Where was he when i blacked out so bad at an Offspring concert that afterwards i dissasociated for 3 months

[Zac 🍒 @World0fEcho]

More twists and turns than a Shyamalan joint

[donald boat @laserboat999]

The entire plot of Lord of the Flies happened to me in the bathroom of the Lego Store in Manhattan