Jake Porter

[Jake Porter @JacobPort3r]

Just downloaded a new running app but, apparently I still have to do the running

[Jake Porter @JacobPort3r]

Pretty sure my apple cider has fermented and I’m just getting drunk before work.

[Jake Porter @JacobPort3r]

Why is it that I can not fathom eating a dozen chocolate chips cookies but can down an entire bowl of cookie dough? There has to be a separate stomach for this kind of diet!

[Jake Porter @JacobPort3r]

Currently writing a grant proposal for nutritional health and wellness in Vermont schools while avoiding the gym to get school work done and eating cookie dough for dinner

[Jake Porter @JacobPort3r]

Here come all the posers this time of year. Talking about how much they have the munchies. Listen, I’ve been eating munchies my whole life. I’ve got snacks on snacks.... Don’t come at me with your nonsense, wannabe attitudes. #april20 #420day #munchies #snacks #glazeitdontblazeit

[Jake Porter @JacobPort3r]

Doing your own laundry means ruining your shirts so that the only appropriate times to wear them are at the gym or in bed 👕 🛏

[Jake Porter @JacobPort3r]

Being an adult is just working, being tired and then feeling guilty for wasting the day with a nap. I’m not going to stop napping but still...

[Jake Porter @JacobPort3r]

It’s so incredibly defeating to make more than one trip when bringing in groceries 😔

[savingoceans @savingoceans]

#marine mammal research captures rare video of newborn #humpback #whale, via @physorg_com https://t.co/hPJSeUID5p

[Rafe Bouchard @rafebouchard]

The government be leaving everyone on read, right now

[Jake Porter @JacobPort3r]

How single am I? I helped my mom pick out her nail polish color...

[Jake Porter @JacobPort3r]

@rafebouchard That’s way better than Thin Dickens

[Jake Porter @JacobPort3r]

I can’t wait to make enough money to tell poor people that money doesn’t make you happy.

[Jake Porter @JacobPort3r]

2 days ago I bought 1.5 lbs or fudge and now I have no more fudge... I’d say I don’t have a problem but I do. It’s that I’m now out of fudge.

[Jake Porter @JacobPort3r]

Nothing is sexier than when you offer a girl some of your food and she says no.

[Jake Porter @JacobPort3r]

Their is no greater test to a human’s self control than going to a grocery store whilst hungry. I Jake porter, have failed that test