Jacob Beverage

Free to Bake or Left to Toil?

[Jacob Beverage @Jacob_Beverage]

I love the Billy Joel song that goes “A bottle of wine … a bottle of wine” 🎶

[Jacob Beverage @Jacob_Beverage]

@lobstah__bisque i know theyve got you barking uncontrollably behind the wheel

[Jacob Beverage @Jacob_Beverage]

If I was in the Hunger Games, I’d get the gun at the cornucopia

[Jacob Beverage @Jacob_Beverage]

@lobstah__bisque I doubt it’s big pistachio. More likely the culprit is a scam diet program like the one launched against tomatoes around 2015, of which I was (unsuccessfully) targeted

[Jacob Beverage @Jacob_Beverage]

Marry Me Hotdogs

[Jacob Beverage @Jacob_Beverage]

@lobstah__bisque was it anything like the Amazon facility you toured in January?

[Jacob Beverage @Jacob_Beverage]

Ran into Doubting Thomas earlier.. Dude always talks my ear off I don’t care what you got up to yesterday

[evan loves worf @esjesjesj]

Murdering people and kidnapping children is far worse than illegal immigration

[Jacob Beverage @Jacob_Beverage]

Anybody got one of these? If yes, can I come over later…

[Jacob Beverage @Jacob_Beverage]

I low key owe my brother-in-law $2500

[Jacob Beverage @Jacob_Beverage]

My airpods can't tell the difference between the inside of their case and the inside of my ears

[Jacob Beverage @Jacob_Beverage]

@jesssstein Jacob Beverage

[Jacob Beverage @Jacob_Beverage]

At this wedding… I didn’t know the bride and groom were in love like that… daayumm!

[Jacob Beverage @Jacob_Beverage]

Getting a 3mg Zyn from my buddy… putting it in my pocket … then popping it in my mouth 14 days later

[Jacob Beverage @Jacob_Beverage]

@mereadith_ im also rockin with the brick!

[Jacob Beverage @Jacob_Beverage]

@lobstah__bisque

[Jacob Beverage @Jacob_Beverage]

Through my studies and research, I have learned that our blood is yellow or at least orange

[Jacob Beverage @Jacob_Beverage]

It was a stormy night just like this. The night Chef Ype crafted the Organic Bison Huevos Rancheros at Silver Diner Laboratories deep in the mountains of Rockville Maryland

[Jacob Beverage @Jacob_Beverage]

All the men in my life (myself included) romanticize highway rest stops

[Jacob Beverage @Jacob_Beverage]

My suspension of disbelief was completely shattered when they tried to claim Ross Geller was a paleontologist