Jade Lauren

Colorful

[Valet Parker @702ValetParker]

Calling other men simps is just incel speak for How dare that bastard get female attention when I’ve been sitting here being bitter and unfuckable for free? Imagine being so allergic to effort that you mistake another man’s social skills for a character flaw.

[Jade Lauren @Jadesjunkmail]

When I was little, I would sneak into the kitchen and take packets of powdered pudding, hide in my closet, lick my fingers, dip them in the powder and lick it off. Birthday cakes were never safe around me either. I’d lick the icing off of all of them. Not much has changed. 🍩🎂🍰

[Jade Lauren @Jadesjunkmail]

Fasting just isn’t for me. Taurus moon. I like touch, taste, smell, sight and sound. When I saw a picture of Janet Jackson walking around with a popsicle on each hand, I knew she was a Taurus moon. Bc same, girl.

[Jade Lauren @Jadesjunkmail]

💃🏻

[Jade Lauren @Jadesjunkmail]

@Latinwarrior240 Agreed!!

[Jade Lauren @Jadesjunkmail]

Men expect you to be stuck on them forever. Cute plan, wrong bitch.

[Jade Lauren @Jadesjunkmail]

Not to kink shame… but what happens in one’s life where they get to a point where smelling and eating shit gets them off? I’m open to new experiences, but I’m not that fucking open. Poop play goes in the maggot section of my brain. Heebie jeebies 🫣 Sets of my fight response

[Jade Lauren @Jadesjunkmail]

Nothing irritates me more than an ignorant motherfucker who thinks he’s smart. They’re not only annoying as fuck, they’re dangerous. Show me your IQ test results. Then we can talk. Bozo the clown.

[Jade Lauren @Jadesjunkmail]

Being older doesn’t automatically make you more knowledgeable. And being confidently wrong while relying on information you learned four decades ago is not wisdom. Age is not a substitute for intellectual curiosity.

[Jade Lauren @Jadesjunkmail]

If you graduated in the 1980s and that was the last formal education you ever absorbed, please don’t talk to me like you’re inherently smarter or more informed than I am. Your education is 40+ years old.

[Jade Lauren @Jadesjunkmail]

Sleeping with a nasal strip on is changing my life.

[Jade Lauren @Jadesjunkmail]

Are you guys on seeking arrangements? Lol. I’m about to be. I’m going to put my minimum monthly allowance 10k a month. That’s the standard, basic starting price, no? Yes. Should I be sweet or slutty? 🤔You guys say you like the girl next-door but I know it’s the whores you love

[Jade Lauren @Jadesjunkmail]

@Fairyuxfhe Night walks. Moon bathing.

[Jade Lauren @Jadesjunkmail]

PSA: So the new thing the creeps are doing are putting hidden cameras in public bathrooms. Men and women’s. 🙃 it’s probably actually not that new but a lot of them are starting to get caught. Fucking sick. All these sex crimes are starting to feel like a psyop

[Jade Lauren @Jadesjunkmail]

@nstilly21 It’s a look alike 💁🏻‍♀️

[Jade Lauren @Jadesjunkmail]

Do you guys remember Cameron from Ferris Bueller’s Day off? Well, I’m going on a date with him.

[Jade Lauren @Jadesjunkmail]

Despite it all

[Jade Lauren @Jadesjunkmail]

You wouldn’t believe the pile of laundry I’m about to tackle 😭Fuck

[Jade Lauren @Jadesjunkmail]

@_wej01 It should be standard at this point. I guess Jason Alden’s bar in Nashville is famous for GHB infused drinks. Probably wouldn’t trust the bartenders there.. they seem to be in on it

[Jade Lauren @Jadesjunkmail]

My Nala girl is on her last leg of life. She officially has all the feline dementia symptoms. Sundowners. Skinny. Stares at the wall. Doesn’t want to play. Forgets she’s eaten. Sleeps all day. Not making it to the litter in time. Demanding asf. Deaf. But she’s still my baby 😭

[Jade Lauren @Jadesjunkmail]

@Latinwarrior240 That counts! 🍽️ Feed me Seymour, feed me all night long

[Jade Lauren @Jadesjunkmail]

Reading a book to each other is a romantic asf.