Jake

Music, books, retro gaming, tennis and LFC.

[Jake @JakeAAllport]

Elon Musk is a wasteman so we're doing Bluesky now instead - giz a follow https://t.co/16p0E7z5ia

[Jake @JakeAAllport]

@AislingHeagren Ur a dork

[Billy Bragg @billybragg]

Everyone knows Labour are going to win the election, but if you’re feeling like there’s no point in voting as the outcome is a foregone conclusion, I’d like to draw your attention to something really radical that is on offer tomorrow: 1/8

[Jake @JakeAAllport]

Wish I could 'Taylor's Version' my entire life so far tbh

[Jake @JakeAAllport]

Twitter was created as a fun website to post silly lil messages. U lot are fuckin' psychopaths

[Linda Yaccarino @lindayaX]

For years, fans and critics alike have pushed Twitter to dream bigger, to innovate faster, and to fulfill our great potential. X will do that and more. We’ve already started to see X take shape over the past 8 months through our rapid feature launches, but we’re just getting started.

[Jake @JakeAAllport]

@SashCoops Fun fact: her sister has been round my flat.

[Jake @JakeAAllport]

Last night my mother (58 years old) genuinely asked me why I hadn't invited more 'premium pussy' to my birthday drinks.

[Jake @JakeAAllport]

@ThirdWitness What a difference 2.5 years makes

[Jake @JakeAAllport]

@C_K_H22 It must be bad for you to be on Twitter.

[Jake @JakeAAllport]

Giving someone a little wave when they stop to let you cross the road is old hat. Blow them a kiss instead.

[Jake @JakeAAllport]

Just Stop Oil (Paintings)

[Metro @MetroUK]

BREAKING: Environmental activists from have thrown tomato soup over Vincent van Gogh’s iconic Sunflowers painting hanging in London’s National Gallery.

https://t.co/r6c9tn6h5L

[Jake @JakeAAllport]

After consistently being late for work almost every day for 2 and a half years, today I finally got a telling off. It was good while it lasted.

[Jake @JakeAAllport]

First this country lost its head of state and now it’s lost its head altogether.

[BBC Breaking News @BBCBreaking]

Queue to see Queen lying in state officially reopens but warning issued of 24-hour wait and cold overnight temperatures

https://t.co/EWk9tXEn4K

[Jake @JakeAAllport]

I’m emigrating.

[BBC Breaking News @BBCBreaking]

Liz Truss will be the UK's new prime minister after beating Rishi Sunak in the race to lead the Conservative Party https://t.co/cmTXY9KJBm

[Jake @JakeAAllport]

I’m going to watch a Beatles cover band today but I’ve ruined it for myself a bit by unexpectedly seeing actual fucking Paul McCartney play last night.

[Jake @JakeAAllport]

Earlier I saw someone at work misspell United Kingdom as ‘United Kinkdom’ and now I finally have a name for the sex shop I’m opening.

[Jake @JakeAAllport]

@ThirdWitness Sad face. Ignore the bad vibes plz and enjoy Arctic Monkeys tomorrow.

[Jake @JakeAAllport]

I’ve witnessed some strange shit during my nights out in Peterborough but seeing two people swap glass eyes in Ali’s Kebab House might be top of the pile.

[Jake @JakeAAllport]

50 likes and I’ll wear my big coat to work tomorrow.

[Jake @JakeAAllport]

Don’t call it ‘bottomless brunch’ and then act surprised when I turn up wearing no trousers.