JQ

freelance dog petter

[JQ @JakeQueen]

@Brettle_Heinken remember that time you rolled down your window to give a bum money, then hid in the floorboard so I had to pay him?

[John Mayer @JohnMayer]

Why do people hashtag things that nobody else would look for? I'm not going to search for the latest in the #ButThatsTomForYa saga.

[John Mayer @JohnMayer]

I think it’s swell that you’re swole, but I’d be shook if you were woke. #draft #iagreeitsnotgood

[RC Edwards @roostercedwards]

Ran in to Kareem Abdul-Jabbar at the hotel pool today. He's a lot shorter than you would think and he smokes Winstons. Nice guy.

[FunnyPicsDepot @FunnyPicsDepot]

Scottish Twitter is literally in its own world😂

[JQ @JakeQueen]

Income tax is illegal

[abdul 🌌📷 @Advil]

i love twitter so much bro

[Joe Rogan @joerogan]

This country has a mental health problem disguised as a gun problem and a tyranny problem disguised as a security problem.

[John Mayer @JohnMayer]

I think what’s been messing me up is that everyone I thought was 40 when I was a kid was actually about 24.

[Mike @mike_n30]

You don't just accidentally grow a dinosaur chicken. Y'all always lying https://t.co/wKO1gyJUMW

[JQ @JakeQueen]

*overly excited 8 year old at the dog park*

Kid: "Look mom, a white pug!!"

Me: he's a Frenchie, dumbass. Go learn something

[FunnyPicsDepot @FunnyPicsDepot]

shoot ur shot

[Reece Peterson @Reeceoohlala]

Dad you waste to much beer

[Meninist @MeninistTweet]

“he needs to be at least 6 feet tall with a beard, drive a BMW, have his own house and patterns me when I act up”

Her:

[John Mayer @JohnMayer]

You’re always wrong when you think I’m high. Except the time I hacked my own account and tweeted about Fifth Harmony. You had that right.

[JQ @JakeQueen]

I know it's national dog day, but my puppy chewed up my vintage Atari today so he can fuck right off

[Cloyd Rivers @CloydRivers]

Merica.

[John Mayer @JohnMayer]

I know this question gets asked a lot but it bears repeating: would you recognize your own skeleton?