Jake French

Roses are red. My name is not Dave. This poem makes no sense. Microwave.

[Jake French @Jake_French]

Whenever I see a couple’s names carved into a tree, I can’t help but wonder why all these people are bringing knives on a date.

[Jake French @Jake_French]

Well with @karijobe off the market, I guess it's time to put myself back out there. #christianmingle

[Jake French @Jake_French]

I got to sleep in until about 7:30 today!

[Jake French @Jake_French]

That's the problem with Oldies, there's no new ones.

[Jake French @Jake_French]

If you throw a baseball and hit the Target logo the store drops into a tank of water.

[Jake French @Jake_French]

If I ever kill somebody I'm dumping the body in a cemetery. Police will find it and be like, "oh yea, this makes sense."

[Jake French @Jake_French]

I wish babies would stop saying hi to me in checkout lines. I don't know you. Stop talking to me.

[Jake French @Jake_French]

Just got off the phone with my mom, she had a nice talk.

[Jake French @Jake_French]

CAMPING TIP: If you get lost in the woods, a compass can help you get lost more north.

[Jake French @Jake_French]

Commando Thursday because you haven't done laundry in a week and a half #singleguyproblems

[OKWU Eagles Athletics @OKWUeagles]

OKWU MEN'S SOCCER WINS!!!! 6-2 against Div 1 Oral Roberts University!!! It's great to be an Eagle! #OKWUsoccer

[Jake French @Jake_French]

Guys that try and pick up girls on twitter are pathetic. Girls if you agree DM me your number so we can talk about it.

[Jake French @Jake_French]

Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.

[Jake French @Jake_French]

Oh your account is protected? What do you tweet? Nuclear launch codes?

[Jake French @Jake_French]

Did they ever find out who let the dogs out?

[Jake French @Jake_French]

Driving through Waco Texas again. Wow, sure miss this place. One day I will live here.

[Jake French @Jake_French]

Pawn Stars: Man: Hey can I have change for a dollar? Rick: The best I can do is 25 cents.

[Jake French @Jake_French]

When I see a cute couple making out I yell, "I knew you're seeing somebody else!" and run crying...

[Jake French @Jake_French]

I'm big fan of power balance bracelets. It's an easy way to gauge a person's intelligence at a glance.

[Jake French @Jake_French]

If I ever get arrested, my one phone call will be to the police station to do a bomb scare. I'm not spending the night there.