nancy sriracha ☠️🖤

Secretly famous. 🌈💀🥄🍑⚡️🎨

[nancy sriracha ☠️🖤 @JakkiKalo]

Someone should do for the vibraslap what Blue Oyster did for the cowbell

[nancy sriracha ☠️🖤 @JakkiKalo]

Me introducing my Costa Rican roommate to Pearl Jam:
It’s ok, not even native English speakers know wtf Eddie Vedder is saying

[nancy sriracha ☠️🖤 @JakkiKalo]

Do I look like my sister in this photo?
Well, you both have crow’s feet…

[nancy sriracha ☠️🖤 @JakkiKalo]

This. So much this.

[Nicole Lee Schroeder, PhD @Nicole_Lee_Sch]

I'm really tired of wondering how disabled people fit into higher ed. Because I don't get to be disabled in any way that upsets the norms of the academy. So am I really supposed to be here or not? 6/6 #AcademicChatter #DisabilityTwitter

[Nicole Lee Schroeder, PhD @Nicole_Lee_Sch]

I think a lot of people presume that I'm not as sick as I am because I don't fall behind in my work. That's not true. I am just excessively good at overworking and I'm obsessed with working ahead. 1/6

[nancy sriracha ☠️🖤 @JakkiKalo]

Every time I try to explain hypergraphs and branchial space some mfer is like “is this like Schrödinger’s Cat? Can we look at a picture of Schrödingers Cat? I like Schrödinger’s Cat!”

[nancy sriracha ☠️🖤 @JakkiKalo]

Started my day feeling good about the money I made from a job I did this past week. Then I just paid every cent of it to the hospital to cover my outstanding bills. ‘Merica

[Dani Donovan 👩🏻‍🎨 ADHD Comics @danidonovan]

the ADHD urge to use parenthesis in every sentence (because every thought comes with additional bonus content)

[nancy sriracha ☠️🖤 @JakkiKalo]

Made a thong out of some thin fabric and now I’ve got a more intense display of lips than an Aerosmith concert

[nancy sriracha ☠️🖤 @JakkiKalo]

I want the equivalent of a butt donut for trying to lie in bed with painful kidneys

[nancy sriracha ☠️🖤 @JakkiKalo]

Some veritable fetus nearly ran me over in a parking lot and I yelled “what?! Just because you think I’m closer to death than you???”
I have never related to Cathy Bates in Fried Green Tomatoes more

[nancy sriracha ☠️🖤 @JakkiKalo]

Hi, I’m the nurse at your dr’s office and this has nothing to do with why I’m calling but wow, I was just reading through your medical notes and that’s a lot to go through so young

[nancy sriracha ☠️🖤 @JakkiKalo]

Here are your labs. Your kidneys look bad

I can’t handle this rn I need a beer

[nancy sriracha ☠️🖤 @JakkiKalo]

I sat on his face and he hummed the Super Mario theme and now I know this is my fucking soulmate

[nancy sriracha ☠️🖤 @JakkiKalo]

“My toes curled under like a tornado had dropped a house on me”

[nancy sriracha ☠️🖤 @JakkiKalo]

How to woo an artist:
I saw your work 3 weeks ago and can’t stop thinking about it. Wanna grab coffee and discuss it?

[nancy sriracha ☠️🖤 @JakkiKalo]

If Yeats had been a lesbian it probably would have been the fifth or sixth coming. Just sayin’

[nancy sriracha ☠️🖤 @JakkiKalo]

This box of pre-washed spinach is like Oops All Stems

[nancy sriracha ☠️🖤 @JakkiKalo]

Today proved that I have two things:
1) poor impulse control
2) a new dinosaur shirt

[nancy sriracha ☠️🖤 @JakkiKalo]

High af and trying to bait a mousetrap
Oh yeah, there’s no way this could possibly go wrong

[nancy sriracha ☠️🖤 @JakkiKalo]

Roomie currently has 3 1-gallon jugs, 1 1/2-gallon jug, and two 12oz bottles of milk in our fridge. I pity those of you who will be unprepared when the milk-pocalypse comes