James Beckwith

The burrito is the most advanced food delivery system known to humankind. Trust me. I’ve done plenty of research.

[James Beckwith @JamesMBeckwith]

@TalkinYanks Is anyone else worried that he said “The 2025 Yankees”?

[James Beckwith @JamesMBeckwith]

@joerogan is going to blow the biggest nut if @MikeTyson knocks out @jakepaul #PaulVsTyson #TysonPaul

[James Beckwith @JamesMBeckwith]

@neiltyson Can you share a few observable truths about Earth’s roundness?

[James Beckwith @JamesMBeckwith]

@JonHeyman Please log out of twitter and throw your phone in the nearest body of water. You’re one more bad Judge tweet away from feeling the wrath of @Majorleaguemadd @M_Hanny17 can kick rocks too

[James Beckwith @JamesMBeckwith]

@Delta as a fellow shareholder, frequent flyer, and Delta Airlines Evangelist, your customer communication outlets are embarrassing. It’s nearly impossible to get a hold of anyone. You really need to fix this ASAP #disappointed

[James Beckwith @JamesMBeckwith]

How many lame ass jokes need to be made before auto correct stops changing fuck to duck!? We have self driving cars and he still can’t get that right? Get your ducking act together, @tim_cook 👀

[James Beckwith @JamesMBeckwith]

If your toenails look like they could fall off your toe and have the same color as spoiled milk, maybe don’t wear flip-flops to the airport. CMON, people

[James Beckwith @JamesMBeckwith]

@joerogan Where’s that JRE NFT? 👀

[James Beckwith @JamesMBeckwith]

I see that #BruceCastor is flawlessly using the #Chewbaccadefense approach #ImpeachmentDay

[James Beckwith @JamesMBeckwith]

I had a few cocktails for the first time in a while tonight... I almost forgot what ambition felt like #QuarantineLife

[James Beckwith @JamesMBeckwith]

Eyebrows are mustaches for your eyes. Yea, you’re welcome

[James Beckwith @JamesMBeckwith]

#ByDon #Biden

[James Beckwith @JamesMBeckwith]

This election is really getting to @andersoncooper #clitter

[James Beckwith @JamesMBeckwith]

I haven’t been this stressed since the last time I ate a hot dog from a street cart in the Mission District of San Francisco #PresidentialElection2020 #ElectionNight #ElectionDay #diarrhea

[James Beckwith @JamesMBeckwith]

@kanyewest’s response to why he wants to be the next POTUS from @joerogan podcast - BECAUSE GOD IS RESPONSIBLE FOR SINKING THE TITANIC AND WE NEED CHANGE!

[James Beckwith @JamesMBeckwith]

AOC+3 sounds like a #Jackson5 song #PresidentialDebate2020

[James Beckwith @JamesMBeckwith]

Everyone has a different definition of success and that’s fine. I’ll die happy if someone names a sandwich after me

[James Beckwith @JamesMBeckwith]

This is the first time in their marriage that @FLOTUS will have spent more than a day in the same room as @realDonaldTrump #QuarantineLife #COVID19

[James Beckwith @JamesMBeckwith]

The 9/29/2020 entry in #ChrisWallace personal journal. Dear Diary, FML.
P.S. I should have been a veterinarian.
Sincerely, Christopher #PresidentialDebate2020

[James Beckwith @JamesMBeckwith]

It’s hard trusting women with bangs. Seems like they’re always hiding something @ZooeyDeschanel 👀