JLM

Doped up, or dying, or something.

[JLM @JamesMartinez_]

Alright this one might be better than the Mexican food one.

[NOBUNAGA🇯🇵🏯_夏樹蒼依 @japan_nobunaga]

In Georgia I entered a Chick-fil-A drive-thru line of forty cars.

I turned off my engine. I prepared to wait the way my ancestors waited out a siege.

Six minutes later I was holding chicken.

I do not know what happened to the other thirty-nine cars. The line moved like water that had somewhere to be.

A young woman walked between the cars taking orders on a small tablet, on foot, in the sun, smiling like the sun was her idea.

I said thank you.

She said, "My pleasure."

I did not think about it then. I should have.

At the window I thanked the young man for the food.

"My pleasure."

I thanked him for the sauce.

"My pleasure."

I thanked him for thanking me—

"My pleasure."

I want to be clear about what was happening.

This was a duel.

In Japan I trained in courtesy for forty years. Bowing angles. Seasonal greetings. The correct depth of apology for seventeen distinct situations.

I was a white belt in that drive-thru.

I escalated. I used my most formal English. I thanked him on behalf of my entire family line.

He said, "My pleasure," and gave me extra sauce.

Extra sauce. Unprovoked. A counterattack.

I returned the next day to reclaim my honor.

It was Sunday. The restaurant was closed.

All of them were closed. In the entire country. They close every Sunday, and they have closed every Sunday since the beginning, because the founder made a promise, and the promise did not expire when he did.

I stood in the empty parking lot and understood I had lost twice.

Once to a teenager with sauce.

Once to a man I will never meet, who kept his word so long it became a building.

In my country we say a samurai's word is his life.

I had never seen a restaurant say it back.

I returned Monday. I ordered. And this time I said it first, before she could.

"My pleasure."

She smiled and said, "It sure is."

America, I surrender.

It was my pleasure.

[JLM @JamesMartinez_]

This fucking shook me.

[Typos of the New York Times @nyttypos]

@mblair @AshleyRParker Oh no, this is one of the few grammatical rules logically entailed by the structure of the language. If you think a period goes outside a parenthetical sentence’s parentheses, you don’t actually understand what parentheses are.

[JLM @JamesMartinez_]

“From the world of The Big Bang Theory” … lol

[JLM @JamesMartinez_]

It’s crazy I’ve never thought of viva la bam as background sex music based on personal chronology alone but then I realized I was protecting myself all this time. This is horrifying.

[Wellington Boyce @WellieBoyce]

A freak like me just gonna let it play during and all she hear is this

[JLM @JamesMartinez_]

Good lord

[Justin Bellman @YourAvgBellman]

I will never, ever get over how funny it is that this is a 95% practical shot from a 2026 TV special, and not a cutscene from Uncharted 2 for the PS3

[JLM @JamesMartinez_]

Thomas Crown Affair’s entertaining but it’s funny as it was thought as above average back then and now there’s maybe a dozen or so filmmakers who could deliver equally this sequence let alone movie. That’s embarrassing.

[The Sting @TheStingisBack]

The Thomas Crown Affair test audiences were horrified by the original idea that Pierce Brosnan’s briefcase was custom-built with internal blades that sliced the Monet from its frame.
They had to scrap it, hoping viewers would buy the slick heist and pacing over physical reality.

[JLM @JamesMartinez_]

This ladies awesome.

[JoezMcfly🇩🇴 @JoezMcfLy]

She said why do i need to apologize to Mbappe..

“I come from a generation where calling someone a black piece of sh*t was common”

Crazy work from Paraguays senator..

[JLM @JamesMartinez_]

Lol this is some “mmm” nod, sip and okay them level of racism that I’d have told my friends about to highlight how I’m not racist. As.

[Madrid Zone @theMadridZone]

🚨 Celeste Amarilla (Paraguayan senator), on Kylian Mbappé: "This brute hasn't even learned to write. Instead of breastmilk, he grew up sucking on coconuts, and the most educated creatures he ever heard were chimpanzees.

You should've given him the middle finger, Orlando Gill (Paraguay GK).

A colonized Cameroonian, pretending to be French, resentful, newly rich, arrogant, and ugly.

He was nervous and scared to death all game, like his whole team. They didn't even manage to score a single goal, until they got lucky with a penalty.

The only thing many of us blame the team for is not giving him a full-handed slap at the end of the game. I'm not even a football fan." @RMCsport

🤮🤮🤮

[JLM @JamesMartinez_]

I get why they would pointed it out this was Lee Cornins mummy. I get it.

[RiotControl2501 @RiotControl2501]

Modern blockbusters are so incompetently made we are now gassing up Age of Extinction

[JLM @JamesMartinez_]

He’s calling your name, Bob. Time to join the flock.

[Pastor Bob Joyce @PastorBobJ67896]

Tell me who she is now..was Jonbet Ramsey yes she is alive.if you answer correctly I will say you did

[JLM @JamesMartinez_]

Kinda never wanted to visit New York more.

[Retard Radar @FullRetardRadar]

This absolute weapon was strolling through Times Square like he owned the place then just ate complete shit in the middle of the road.
Went from main character to pavement inspector in half a second.
New York never disappoints.

[JLM @JamesMartinez_]

Turn CERN back on.

[Kyle Rittenhouse 🇺🇸 @rittenhouse2a]

Enjoyed having Lil Wayne in the office yesterday!

[JLM @JamesMartinez_]

Have just about everything from that still.

[JLM @JamesMartinez_]

Jesus just drown the kids already, Justin.

[fuff @bigfoofheart]

nightmare fuel

[JLM @JamesMartinez_]

Hey an endurance tracing glove.

[Pietro Baudin @pietrobaudin]

This is so cool!

[JLM @JamesMartinez_]

Second one’s dogshit.

[sal @cuavek]

Raw, but I’d try it.

[JLM @JamesMartinez_]

These bubble letters fucking suck.

[Crazy Moments @Crazymoments01]

Wait... why did nobody teach me this sooner? Every letter instantly looks so much cleaner. 😳

[JLM @JamesMartinez_]

Thought the kid would look fatter frankly.

[TMZ @TMZ]

Parents charged with murder as authorities say their 7-year-old son died weighing 255 pounds. https://t.co/pzBAaCqPF0

[JLM @JamesMartinez_]

Feels dumb to ask, but pretty stupid situation so whatever but have they thought of just calling up the old reflecting pool guy?