Jamie Mulholland

American British bitch, follow at own risk of getting insulted physically or mentally, one doesn't do favours or follow orders

[Jamie Mulholland @JamieFenderbaum]

Meanwhile on the motorway,

New helper: Jesus Christ do you always drive like this?
Me: what's wrong *crunches gears*
New helper: I'm surprised we haven't fuckin crashed yet
Me: don't be silly *overtakes police car*

[Jamie Mulholland @JamieFenderbaum]

@thomnorton I've got my sources mate 😎

[Jamie Mulholland @JamieFenderbaum]

It's too early for this kinda shit
#ShutUpBitch

[Jamie Mulholland @JamieFenderbaum]

Boss on the phone about my fuel declarations,

Boss: what happened last month Sandra, it's the usual £400 worth in diesel and then there's £328 in petrol as well?
Me: a Mercedes is a thirsty car mate
Boss: yeah but why do I have to pay for it?
Me: because you love me of course

[Jamie Mulholland @JamieFenderbaum]

Binge watching the original Charlie's Angels #BeQuiet #DoNotDisturb #GoAway #DayOff

[Jamie Mulholland @JamieFenderbaum]

@deedee10780561 How much did you spend on it?

[Jamie Mulholland @JamieFenderbaum]

@gkse16 I don't speak sports sorry 😎

[Jamie Mulholland @JamieFenderbaum]

@gkse16 What language is that?

[Jamie Mulholland @JamieFenderbaum]

Oh imagine how frustrating it must be being bullied/tailgated by a queen in a 20yo Golf diesel in your £60k BMW and you are not winning cos you're not used to these roads

[Jamie Mulholland @JamieFenderbaum]

Him: have you seen my car keys ?
Me: urgh
Him: is that a yes or à no?
Me: whilst you're out there bring me some ice-cream
Him: keys?
Me: what do they look like?
Him: keys?
Me: watching miss Marple so be quiet
Him: cunt
Me: you love my cunt tho
Him: don't change the subject

[Jamie Mulholland @JamieFenderbaum]

@Phil_cheshire Urgh they are usually fit as fuck but also boring as a lettuce on a unicycle

[Jamie Mulholland @JamieFenderbaum]

When someone goes like: well my sister's boyfriends halfbrother's mum is having it off with a gymnast who knows a guy who's sister has got something like that

Me:

[Jamie Mulholland @JamieFenderbaum]

@Phil_cheshire Hmm yeah big V8 Mercedes fuel burning big barge my name written all over it 😂😅🤣

[Jamie Mulholland @JamieFenderbaum]

Out for a drive in my new toy #V8Power #BeeGees

[Jamie Mulholland @JamieFenderbaum]

@trickyvondickie I love threesomes 🤪

[Jamie Mulholland @JamieFenderbaum]

Him: who's Richard?
Me: what?
Him: that phone number written on your back
Me: oh just some guy at work
Him: funny place to write a phone number unless you have your shirt off
Me: urgh working on my suntan Pappy all innocent stuff
Him: you're a slut
Me: you love it tho
Him: true

[Jamie Mulholland @JamieFenderbaum]

When you stand behind a guy at the check out and he smells like he wants the get fucked *pushes trolley into his arse to get attention*

[Jamie Mulholland @JamieFenderbaum]

@Phil_cheshire I got soggy in the pants, and yes I've got his phone number

[Jamie Mulholland @JamieFenderbaum]

When its only 7.30 and you already had a "you single by any change" from a daddy in bike-gear

[Jamie Mulholland @JamieFenderbaum]

@JDrvr Yeah I've got a similar feeling with this one, the trip to Italy will be a concession card of breakdowns and being stuck on the roadside whilst waiting for help, I think I'll just grab a plane to Italy and join him there to avoid that shit

[Jamie Mulholland @JamieFenderbaum]

When he takes you out for a test-drive in a vintage campervan cos apparently we need one and the bloody thing breaks down,
Him: probably a blocked fuel pipe
Me: we've only done fuckin 8 miles and you want to take this to Italy for a fun holiday
Him: yeah it'll be great
Me:

[Jamie Mulholland @JamieFenderbaum]

@colfar69 Don't you start 😂😅🤣