Jared

Twitter is weird

[Jared @JaredLarimer]

"I like to picture Jesus in a tuxedo T-shirt. 'Cause it says like, I wanna be formal but I'm here to party too. I like to party, so I like my Jesus to party." -Cal Naughton, Jr., 2004

[Jared @JaredLarimer]

Whoever started the trend of putting eggs on burgers should be barred from all kitchens.

[Jared @JaredLarimer]

@Cameron_541

[Jared @JaredLarimer]

Chicken big Mac 4/10. Just add nuggets to a regular big Mac

[Jared @JaredLarimer]

@Cameron_541 PSA that Cameron puts bbq sauce in his Mac and cheese

[Adam Schefter @AdamSchefter]

Former Ravens’ QB and Super Bowl MVP Joe Flacco is signing with the Cleveland Browns’ practice squad, per me and @FieldYates. It is expected that Flacco will get promoted to active roster. Flacco will give the Browns added QB depth in light of Deshaun Watson’s season-ending shoulder injury.

[ProphetX Hoops @ProphetX_Hoops]

BREAKING: Mac Jones was just arrested by the Boston Police Department a few hours ago.
https://t.co/gBv1pVVZm3

[Jared @JaredLarimer]

@Dexerto @JOHNYBOY1999_ new daily for you

[Ric Flair® @RicFlairNatrBoy]

Last Year, I Spent More Money On Spilt Liquor In Bars From One Side Of This World To The Other, Than You Made! Happy Flair Friday! WOOOOO!

[ScreenTime @screentime]

'Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby' released on this day 17 years ago

"If you ain't first, you're last"

[Jared @JaredLarimer]

Breakfast food is terrible. There's also no reason to be eating that early in the day.

[Jared @JaredLarimer]

The dark ages were just when cellphones weren't alarm clocks

[Jared @JaredLarimer]

Buying something online and the product needing your phone number should not cause you to get 1-800 phone calls. Companies selling phone numbers should be illegal.

[CTRL @DrinkCTRL]

@DailyLoud

[Adam Schefter @AdamSchefter]

Former No. 1 overall pick Baker Mayfield reached agreement today on a one-year deal worth up to $8.5 million with the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, per sources. Mayfield is now in line to be Tom Brady’s successor.

[Ian Rapoport @RapSheet]

When free agency begins, the #Bucs are expected to target ex-#Rams QB Baker Mayfield as a potential starting QB option, per me and @MikeGarafolo. This could be competition for Kyle Trask, their former 2nd-round pick, who the team likes a lot. As TB plots life without Tom Brady…

[SHAQ @SHAQ]

There’s a high chance you’re probably dehydrated.

[Jared @JaredLarimer]

Air Fryers are sophisticated microwaves. If you want to microwave something, an air fryer can do it better.

[Jared @JaredLarimer]

Preheating the oven is a lie by the government to upcharge your electricity bill. Just put the food in, cold start it.

[Jared @JaredLarimer]

Florida is overrated

[SportsCenter @SportsCenter]

35 years ago, Andre the Giant was body slammed by Hulk Hogan in one of the most incredible matches in WrestleMania history 😲

(via @WWE)