Jason Moliterno

Comedian from Northeast Ohio. I'm excellent at guessing how many seconds something should be in the microwave for.

[Jason Moliterno @JasonMoliterno]

@endmike1 Thanks!

[Jason Moliterno @JasonMoliterno]

I will be recording my first comedy special on March 20th and 21st with Tim Wolfe at the Funny Farm Comedy Club at Cafe 422 in Warren, Ohio!

[Jason Moliterno @JasonMoliterno]

My dad: I passed a kidney stone this morning. Do you want to see it?
Me: I'm eating!
My dad: Do you want to see it when you're done eating?

[Jason Moliterno @JasonMoliterno]

I'm gonna remake Where's Waldo, but it's Find Your Wife in a TJ Maxx.

[Leo Tolstoy Literature @LeoTollstoy]

The majority of human actions aren’t a result of reason, or even of emotion, but of mindless imitation.

[Jason Moliterno @JasonMoliterno]

Well, the @CleGuardians usually go up in a series and blow it, so we might as well try going down in a series.

[Jason Moliterno @JasonMoliterno]

It only took a century, but Boston Red Sox owner Harry Frazee, who sold Babe Ruth to the Yankees to finance his girlfriend’s play, is no longer the architect of the worst trade in sports history. Congratulations, Jimmy Haslam!

[Jason Moliterno @JasonMoliterno]

The Rubber City Comedy Festival is this weekend, one of my favorite weeks of the year. I’ll be there Thursday and Friday.

[Jason Moliterno @JasonMoliterno]

My dad and I accumulated a lot of Cleveland #SportsIllustrated issues over the years. Thanks for jinxing us, guys.

[Jason Moliterno @JasonMoliterno]

My parents are in separate rooms, watching the same episode of Everybody Loves Raymond.

[Jason Moliterno @JasonMoliterno]

@DeceptiveSpeed @haydenfcomedy Nice meeting you, it was a fun show!

[Jason Moliterno @JasonMoliterno]

Kicking off the summer with a long tour out west! #brewerycomedytour

[Jason Moliterno @JasonMoliterno]

These power outages are a conspiracy. Big Peanut Butter has teamed up with Big Bread to render our fridges, stoves, and microwaves useless and force us to eat PB&Js.

[Jason Moliterno @JasonMoliterno]

@whoisrayroberts That’s a good premise for a joke, but I think it would work best if you made it personal and said that you were the one fishing.

[Jason Moliterno @JasonMoliterno]

I’ll be at @FunnyStop this Friday and Saturday! Two shows each night.

[Jason Moliterno @JasonMoliterno]

Comedy schedule this month!

[Jason Moliterno @JasonMoliterno]

Comedy schedule this month! Will add more dates in mid November. Road tripping with @sexyslingblade @TomsOfFun and Miki Janosi.

Oct 19-29 shows are #brewerycomedytour

Odeon shows are @CLEcomedyfest

[Jason Moliterno @JasonMoliterno]

Can the #Guardians please wrap this series up today so that I don’t have to watch 18 Pete Davidson commercials tomorrow?

[Jason Moliterno @JasonMoliterno]

@whoisrayroberts I have a show an hour from Buffalo next week. If he wants to feature for me, I’ll demote Tim to host.