javi

virgo con cojones| MFA Dance UMD College Park

[javi @JaviP26]

i'm sad 93% of the time so just keep it movin'

[javi @JaviP26]

Life really feels like it has no meaning anymore. I’m far from my friends, I’m alone as fuck, i@‘ constantly exhausted and my art feels so far from reach that I don’t know what I’m doing. Also my classes feel so inauthentic to me like…who even am I anymore

[javi @JaviP26]

estoy tan fucking solo y bla bla bla whatever siento que estoy tan desconectado de todo que it’s crazy

[javi @JaviP26]

love will never find me. that’s the main cause of my depression. I’ve never had a crush reciprocate what I feel back. and it makes me feel worthless and ugly. Literally no guy would ever like me like eh would they

[javi @JaviP26]

It feels like my life has no purpose. no one would care. I’m so tired. I’m so overwhelmed. I’ve worked so hard to get here and it’s all wrong.

[javi @JaviP26]

I wake up in the middle of the night with panic attacks, i’m ugly as fuck and I’m as lonely as I’ll ever be in the middle of fucking no where. okay sad twitter vent over.

[javi @JaviP26]

I fear there is no place for me and my work in his world and I see no point. I’m unique special or important. I don't make that much anyways, im drowning in debt and it feels like two steps forward equals a million back. I’m so fucking lost

[javi @JaviP26]

i’m so lost and it feels like I’m losing love for dance. This is one of the only things that gives my life purpose. I live for waking up and going to the studio but academia and institutional bs is killing me.

[javi @JaviP26]

yikes

[javi @JaviP26]

And then my friends were like honestly I took out loans and honestly now down to Javi for making it work bc that shit is hard enough and here I am crying bc I’m thinking I’m lazy and stupid and and and and and…but actually I’m burnt out the fuck 2/2

[javi @JaviP26]

you know the wildest thing…..you literally don’t realize how hard you work until someone points it out to you. I was running a very silly mfa recruitment event and I got asked about my part time job on top of graduate studies and I was like yeah….its expensive out here 1/2

[Nico Todoroki @nico_nastyyyy]

Y’all say this then ignore fat ppl in real life

[javi @JaviP26]

me being a baby on the internet is my only form of survival right now

[javi @JaviP26]

Therapy tomorrow though wahooooo it’s about to be a fun session.

[javi @JaviP26]

it’s not just the “death” of a relationship. it’s the end of a million futures. just lighthouses being torn down one by one and I had to do the demolishing. I literally could not move for hours after and i don’t feel much right now.

[javi @JaviP26]

I literally was going for a walk bc my body was begging me for a cry. so headphones in and I just stopped in a patch of grass and just let it all out. then I walked home and I fully ugly sobbed and screamed into my pillows. I have never felt more empty and alone

[javi @JaviP26]

like all hope was just lost. every single future was just shut off. like lights in empty apartments, they all just fizzled out. And I had to watch them one by one go out.

[javi @JaviP26]

me fully just sobbing all morning this morning. it finally clicked that my relationship is over. grief is fucking wild.

[javi @JaviP26]

i literally think about you every day.

[javi @JaviP26]

@AmtrakNECAlerts hey stuck in New Carrollton, MD. 90 Palmetto Train was supposed to leave at 8:08pm towards NYC. app still says 15 minutes delayed. Any updates please?

[javi @JaviP26]

JUST GIVE ME THE KEYS JUDITH!!!!

[javi @JaviP26]

Grad school is a sick joke where everyone knows the place is on fire, know where the fire extinguishers are but only one person has a key and her name is Judith and she works 17 minutes away from campus so you can only reach her by email… 1/?

[javi @JaviP26]

And there’s also what feels like no time cause you’re exhausted from the rest of the dumb shit you have to do, answer the email that the person clearly did not read cause the answer is in the email, plan class, plan rehearsal, write your thesis and the building is STILL ON FIRE