Jason Nesrallah

Former actor. Current nobody. Comedian. Nerd. Atheist. Stoner. And many other words. Morally bankrupt and independently bereft.

[Jason Nesrallah @JayNezzy]

Due to the overwhelming (lack of) demand, I'm sharing the video from my 50th birthday set at Yuk Yuks Ottawa. If you like it, leave a comment. I'm needy and love the attention :)

https://t.co/2tTrlqPBNk

[Jason Nesrallah @JayNezzy]

Not that I was expecting much from the new Press Secretary, but wow... That was a pretty shitty debut. I mean, she kinda looks like a Porn star... Maybe she'd have better luck sitting on the microphone instead of speaking into it.

[Jason Nesrallah @JayNezzy]

You know why Audi calls it a Quattro? So they can multiply the repair cost times 4.

[Jason Nesrallah @JayNezzy]

For those who need to hear it... There's a substantial difference between "I'm a good customer" and just shopping here a lot. The latter doesn't always mean the former.

[Jason Nesrallah @JayNezzy]

Just read a story about a Bagpiper being injured in an altercation. Police say it was unprovoked, and are still trying to find the motive...

I have a guess... Have you heard the bagpipes??

[Jason Nesrallah @JayNezzy]

You know, it's too bad Donald Trump pulled out of all those wind turbine contracts... Looks like you guys could use some giant fans down there to blow away the smoke.

[Jason Nesrallah @JayNezzy]

Happy 4th to my American friends! 250 years is a big milestone. It's too bad you couldn't have a President oversee it that actually gives a fuck about America or its people. Enjoy celebrating by lining his familys pockets!

[Jason Nesrallah @JayNezzy]

I've had quite a few people call me Daddy in the last few years, and yet not even a phone call today.

[Jason Nesrallah @JayNezzy]

Sadly, it turns out the D in my Big D Energy wasn't my dick, but rather Diabetes. The energy was from high blood sugar. I guess all those years being called sweety was medically accurate. Guess I'm entering my Brimley years. #diabeetus

[Jason Nesrallah @JayNezzy]

Holy fuck, America. Watch your man-baby President on Meet the Press. That's your leader. I think when you rewrite your constitution, maybe think about including a recall mechanism in case your politics gets so corrupt that an entire political party sees nothing wrong with that.

[Jason Nesrallah @JayNezzy]

Hey @Google, I bought a phone, not a babysitter. Can you please allow me to disable the 'feature' that automatically lowers my volume to a barely audible level when it's 'too loud'. I'm a grown ass man. Let me decide what's loud. Pixel = Never again.

[Jason Nesrallah @JayNezzy]

@fitzeAD Pick me up, and I'll ride ;)

[Jason Nesrallah @JayNezzy]

From the people that brought you 'Covid19 isn't anything to worry about' comes... Hanta26! Chief wilderness chef and health director says 'Not worried about it'. Orange Maximus says 'I hope it's fine'. Hanta26! Coming soon to everywhere near you!

[Jason Nesrallah @JayNezzy]

There comes a time when your birthday is more exciting for everyone else. I think I'm there. I am closer to that discount, though... So there's that.

[Jason Nesrallah @JayNezzy]

Maybe I'm just old fashioned, but doesn't a 'cease-fire' usually involve ceasing of the firing? How is Israeli strikes on Lebanon just a test of the cease-fire? Isn't it... The end?

[Jason Nesrallah @JayNezzy]

Out of all the different versions of penis-shaped gummies available, the only one I've never seen is 'Original Flavour'. #untappedmarket

[Jason Nesrallah @JayNezzy]

The crazy spike in gas prices has done the unthinkable. It's made me take up jogging as a means for transportation. It's a rare case where both the cause and effect are the same. I ran.

[Jason Nesrallah @JayNezzy]

@gayforjamie2 Amazing! ♥️🔥

[Jason Nesrallah @JayNezzy]

Pete Hegseth is what you would get if Call of Duty was a person. And no, Pete... That's not a compliment.

[Jason Nesrallah @JayNezzy]

Now that Lewis has died, and Poindexter is under indictment... Does that make Booger the new president of Lambda Lambda Lambda?
RIP Robert Carradine

[Jason Nesrallah @JayNezzy]

As much as hate the weather, I am truly happy to be Canadian. We might get ice storms, but at least here.. The ICE doesn't shoot.