Jay & Simon Comedy

Friendly Comedy, honest commentary, tales of friendship and family hijinks. Check out our podcasts! Funny Guys Talking About TV.

[Jay & Simon Comedy @JaySimonCorp]

THE WIFE IS ALWAYS RIGHT.

There isn't much else to say.

Guys who've been married long enough will agree with me, no questions asked.

Guys who aren't married that long will figure it out.

The wife is always right.

Trust me.

[Jay & Simon Comedy @JaySimonCorp]

COFFEE!

If there are aliens, and we finally meet them, and there is one thing that our leaders let us share with these space travelers to let them know what human beings are really about, I would share with them a cup of coffee.

COFFEE!

That's what makes the world go round.

On that note, I accidentially drank my wife's cup of coffee this morning I was so punch drunk after waking up. We shared a good laugh, but she said, "don't ever do that again!" And she wasn't kidding.

COFFEE!!!

[Jay & Simon Comedy @JaySimonCorp]

I thought I had a chance with one of the gals, in particular, Leslie.

I was dressed well.
I was funny.
I arrived on time.

Then Handsome Jim showed up looking like he had just stepped out of a movie poster.

Within minutes, I wasn't competing for a date anymore—I was competing for two inches of space in the same room as this guy.

By dessert, I was basically the waiter.

Leslie hadn't even looked in my direction, except to notice that the actual waiter was coming over.

By the end of the night, Handsome Jim had about four phone numbers in his pocket without even trying, and I got stuck with the check.

See, Bad Dating, An Anthology, on Amazon.

A Jay and Simon Comedy Jam.

[Jay & Simon Comedy @JaySimonCorp]

BAD DATING (A Jay and Simon Comedy Jam)

From Bizarre to Downright Hilarious

Ever wondered how a simple date could turn into a subway disaster, a waterfront dining nightmare, or a near-car-crash catastrophe?

"BAD DATING" (On Amazon) is the laugh-out-loud collection of true-to-life dating misadventures that proves romance isn't always roses and candlelight. Sometimes it's missed trains, awkward silences, questionable restaurant choices, and split-second decisions that leave you wondering, "How did I end up here?"

Inside, you'll discover:

Wild subway encounters that went completely off the rails.
Waterfront dinners that became unforgettable for all the wrong reasons.
Near car crashes that turned date night into survival mode.
Embarrassing misunderstandings, unexpected twists, and stories so outrageous they sound made up.

Whether you're single, dating, married, or happily avoiding the entire dating scene, BAD DATING will have you laughing, cringing, and nodding in recognition.

Because sometimes the worst dates make the best stories.

[Jay & Simon Comedy @JaySimonCorp]

Remember when college was an adventure?

Before smartphones. Before social media. Before everyone carried a camera in their pocket.

There was the 1990s.

A time of questionable decisions, unforgettable friendships, bizarre encounters, and stories that somehow get funnier every year.

Expensive Sugar takes readers back to an era when college life was unpredictable, outrageous, and filled with larger-than-life characters who could turn an ordinary day into a legendary story.

[Jay & Simon Comedy @JaySimonCorp]

SIR PATRICK STEWART LAYING DOWN THE LAW
(Whether Data is a person "The Measure of a Man" Episode)

"It will reveal the kind of a people we are, what he is destined to be. It will reach far beyond this courtroom and this one android. It could significantly redefine the boundaries of personal liberty and freedom, expanding them for some, savagely curtailing them for others. Are you prepared to condemn him and all who come after him to servitude and slavery? Your Honor, Starfleet was founded to seek out new life. Well, there it sits. Waiting. You wanted a chance to make law. Well, here it is. Make a good one."

...
Jay commentary: Not only was this a Masterclass in acting (definitely go to YouTube and watch that scene) but it also tied together the myriad elements that make for the really rich, juicy drama that hits us collectively in the “feels.” Scenes like that redefined “Badass” for me because Captain Picard used his brain, his intellect, ethics, morality, and philosophy to win the day.

See, Expensive Sugar

[Jay & Simon Comedy @JaySimonCorp]

FOR YOU SCI-FI FANS WHO LIKE BRILLIANT ACTING, an excerpt from "Expensive Sugar" (on Amazon) describing the Star Trek Next Generation Cast :

Second - The Acting

Setting aside Sir Patrick Stewart (did you know he was knighted?), the whole cast was brilliant and, moreover, had that very hard to achieve alchemy of just playing well off each other. Not an easy task, especially since the show was a legitimate sequel to the original, and the original really worked because (one among many reasons) of the undeniable and now legendary relationship between Captain Kirk and Mr. Spock. That was an extremely tough act to follow. And while Patrick Stewart was clearly the biggest star of the show and served as its centerpiece, he played off so many other highly trained, ridiculously talented character actors. The fact that it was so well acted is one reason why the show was so successful – it ran for seven seasons and thus was able to really expand on many issues (don’t forget, back then, network TV shows were like 26 episodes a season). It was given legitimate room to breathe and explore. It’s hard to describe the scenes here in written format, but if you’re interested or have your curiosity piqued, or if you kinda/sorta remember watching, I urge you to take 15 minutes and Google best scenes.

[Jay & Simon Comedy @JaySimonCorp]

@binx7h Tooth infection!! prove me wrong.
Yet, I am sure child birth is up there.

[Jay & Simon Comedy @JaySimonCorp]

@DyerbolicalDB Salem's Lot. That Blue Vampire was right out of the imagination of a very scary person. Yikes!!

[Jay & Simon Comedy @JaySimonCorp]

@petaldairies Life is cool. You don't want to miss a thing, good and bad

[Jay & Simon Comedy @JaySimonCorp]

@Justt__us Trying to charge your cell phone with a potato

[Jay & Simon Comedy @JaySimonCorp]

@Kinza1278 we are too far away and there are no gas stations between their solar system and ours

[Jay & Simon Comedy @JaySimonCorp]

@anxietymsgs Brittney Spears at a restaurant when she was super popular

[Jay & Simon Comedy @JaySimonCorp]

@mrmikeMTL Black Tea

[Jay & Simon Comedy @JaySimonCorp]

@Stormi_luv Bertrund

[Jay & Simon Comedy @JaySimonCorp]

@moonchild23580 Gambling

[Jay & Simon Comedy @JaySimonCorp]

@MASKEDMANIACXXX Bourne Identity

[Jay & Simon Comedy @JaySimonCorp]

@ronsterd89 Archie Bunker

[Jay & Simon Comedy @JaySimonCorp]

@ATRightMovies Avatar - though most of it is CGI I would venture

[Jay & Simon Comedy @JaySimonCorp]

Jay and Simon Comedy,

My 78 year old father having his work stolen:

He texts me at midnight as follows:

Dad: RED ALERT!! MARS HAS ATTACKED (my dad writes in all caps/ he also likes to start sentences with “Red Alert”).

Me: Dad, can we chat tomorrow, its midnight.

Dad: NOT ON THE EAST COAST.

Me: Dad, NY and Florida are both on the East
Coast.

Dad: WRITE-GOPHER TOOK MY STUFF.

Me: Dad, I warned you, why are you writing in
all Caps?

Dad: ROBBY’S HOME, HE’S GOOD WITH COMPUTERS, HE’S AN UBER DRIVER, TALK LATER.