Jonathan Bones

[Jonathan Bones @JdrBones]

@nbcsnl I am formally requesting 1 million dollars for joke theft and I want to come on the show to give my own delivery + test out my new “blind people be like” routine that I’ve been workshopping

[Jonathan Bones @JdrBones]

First week in New York, paying for the subway but jumping the exit turnstile to keep up appearances

[Jonathan Bones @JdrBones]

As a visual learner I really wish the audiobooks on Spotify had subtitles

[Jonathan Bones @JdrBones]

Every room I walk into is a men’s room

[Jonathan Bones @JdrBones]

Wait the girl takes the plan B???

[Jonathan Bones @JdrBones]

I’ve never met a Tom I didn’t like. I’ve also never met a Sandra that I did like. I met one Phil and he was ok. There’s a guy at my company named Devin but we’ve only ever messaged over slack

[Jonathan Bones @JdrBones]

Got kicked out of the Bob Dylan movie for “disrupting other guests with my singing ”

To be fair was singing Steely Dan during the dialogue scenes

[Jonathan Bones @JdrBones]

@cheezylover1 Cmon

[Jonathan Bones @JdrBones]

Reminder that theres more going on in people’s lives than just what you see on social media. For example, I’m having way more sex than my posting would suggest

[Jonathan Bones @JdrBones]

I almost wondered something really stupid today, luckily I caught it and stopped myself from wondering it

[Jonathan Bones @JdrBones]

@paleomagnetizm I like when he tries to say Hamburger haha

[Jonathan Bones @JdrBones]

Filling my pockets with glue to capture a pick pocket

[Jonathan Bones @JdrBones]

Cause why would I do that if she’s already on the ballot was the joke

[Jonathan Bones @JdrBones]

I’m writing in Kamala

[Jonathan Bones @JdrBones]

I’m writing in Kamala

[Jonathan Bones @JdrBones]

@iiikkaaaaa Can you walk me through this one

[Jonathan Bones @JdrBones]

Not only do I think corporations are people, but I think they have little crushes on each other too 😏

[Jonathan Bones @JdrBones]

I’m in my girls ear moaning like a bitch

[Jonathan Bones @JdrBones]

The alien from alien just walked into the theater to surprise our audience for alien

[Jonathan Bones @JdrBones]

Imagine if you were at a bar and a rabbi walked in. It’d be just like that joke I heard that time

[Jonathan Bones @JdrBones]

Imagine if you were at a bar and a rabbi walked in. It’d be just like that joke I heard that time