JeaneRevelez

[JeaneRevelez @JeaneRevelez]

Next time a blocked number calls you, answer like this: "Local sperm bank. You jack it, we pack it. How may I help you?"

[JeaneRevelez @JeaneRevelez]

Relationships aren't a test. So why cheat?

[JeaneRevelez @JeaneRevelez]

My WiFi stopped working today. So, I called the Internet provider... Apparently, they can't give me my neighbour's new WiFi password.

[JeaneRevelez @JeaneRevelez]

Dear gangsters, if you pulled your pants up a little bit, you could probably run from the cops faster.

[JeaneRevelez @JeaneRevelez]

Police: "It's the police! Open the door now!" Me: "No. You're gonna yell at me!"

[JeaneRevelez @JeaneRevelez]

Tripping over an object, then verbally abusing it.

[JeaneRevelez @JeaneRevelez]

Kid: "Mom, why did my aunt name my cousin Rose?" Mom: "Cuz she like flowers." Me: "What do you like?" Mom: "Dick, stop asking questions."

[JeaneRevelez @JeaneRevelez]

I don't like that tone of voice you're texting me in.

[JeaneRevelez @JeaneRevelez]

Patrick: "What does claustrophobic mean?" Spongebob: "It means he�s afraid of Santa Claus!"

[JeaneRevelez @JeaneRevelez]

Saying "bitch" after proving your point.

[JeaneRevelez @JeaneRevelez]

Spongebob: | ( � ) ( � ) | Patrick: / ( � ) ( � ) \ Squidward: ( (�) (�) ) Plankton: | (�) | Mr. Krabs: |�||�| RETWEET if you can see them.

[JeaneRevelez @JeaneRevelez]

A real man ends a relationship before starting another one.

[JeaneRevelez @JeaneRevelez]

Your heart says "yes", your head says "no", and you say "i dont know."

[JeaneRevelez @JeaneRevelez]

I wanted us to work so much,I hate you for making me feel like this. I still love you.

[JeaneRevelez @JeaneRevelez]

Bitch, I watch CSI. I can make your death look like an accident.

[JeaneRevelez @JeaneRevelez]

Old friend: "We need to hang out!" Never happens.

[JeaneRevelez @JeaneRevelez]

I want to meet someone who is afraid to lose me.

[JeaneRevelez @JeaneRevelez]

I like to stop the microwave at 0:01. It makes me feel like I'm defusing a bomb and saving lives.

[JeaneRevelez @JeaneRevelez]

When my best friend isn't at school: 5% Hoping they're okay. 95% How dare you leave me alone!

[JeaneRevelez @JeaneRevelez]

*New friend request* Me: "Oh, new friend request... Cool." *New follower* Me: "OMG, YAY!!! :D"