Jeanine Detz

Mom. Writer (@womenshealthmag, @parents, @consumerreports, @furthermore...). Former @shape_magazine deputy editor. Wife of @daveportermusic. Jersey girl.

[Jeanine Detz @JeanineDetz]

If the rise on @madewell jeans gets any higher, my pants can double as my bra.

[Jeanine Detz @JeanineDetz]

Two months and two $5 carrot plants have produced a harvest fit for a guinea pig.

[Jeanine Detz @JeanineDetz]

Kids constructed an oven to make s’mores, so I think we’ve officially exhausted every summer activity.

[Jeanine Detz @JeanineDetz]

@DavePorterMusic Maybe now you can stop being so cagey with your wife about this film...sheesh, would it have killed you to reveal that skinny Pete would make an appearance???

[Jeanine Detz @JeanineDetz]

Hardest part of a solo 6-hour flight with two kids? Getting the damn luggage to the Lyft pickup.

[Jeanine Detz @JeanineDetz]

Dropped off our pup at her doggie resort and I’m a mess...how does anyone have the emotional strength to send their actual children to sleep away camp?

[Jeanine Detz @JeanineDetz]

This is what happens when you let your 8 yr old binge ⁦@NailedIt...

[Jeanine Detz @JeanineDetz]

Blew out my hair, slapped on some mascara, and squeezed myself into the good jeans but apparently missed the part in friend’s text that said Saturday.

[Jeanine Detz @JeanineDetz]

Move to the hills, they said. You’ll love the peace and quiet, they said.
No one mentioned a damn thing about the millipedes...millipedes!! In the house! On the patio! In my nightmares!

[Jeanine Detz @JeanineDetz]

You can bitch to me all year about what a crappy dad your husband is and I’ll sympathetically nod OR you can post a father’s day tribute to him and I’ll like it/maybe even comment, but you can’t have both.

[Jeanine Detz @JeanineDetz]

Just performing my annual ritual of writing out teacher thank you notes and having a good ugly cry, and wondering if next year I try doing this before I open the wine.

[Jeanine Detz @JeanineDetz]

In today’s edition of “this house seems like a money pit” the ceiling is leaking...and it’s 95 degrees out and sunny.

[Jeanine Detz @JeanineDetz]

@AJHanleyNYC Did those days end or continue for a decade?

[Jeanine Detz @JeanineDetz]

Angie’s ruined three rugs and we’re praying her stench comes out of the couch cushion, so yeah, that’s how we got here.

[Jeanine Detz @JeanineDetz]

Only slept 5 hours and have ignored my kids all morning so I can finish The Power before brunch, and now thinking of all the things I could have accomplished in life if I’d approached them with the same tenacity I do book club.

[Jeanine Detz @JeanineDetz]

Just enjoying a lagunitas IPA while the husband checks my head for lice bc this school year will not end quietly.

[Jeanine Detz @JeanineDetz]

I’m not sure what happened during Angie’s grooming appointment today, but I only paid for a bath and cut.

[Jeanine Detz @JeanineDetz]

I didn’t hang out with my kids at all between breakfast and dinner today, and I can’t imagine a better way to celebrate my motherhood than by forgetting about it for 8 hours. #MothersDay2019

[Jeanine Detz @JeanineDetz]

@sarah_haskins Yes!!! Congratulations, can’t wait to watch!

[Jeanine Detz @JeanineDetz]

Final cleanout of our old house...all that was left was a bottle of sake in fridge and this in the freezer. Worked so f-in hard to feed those babies in the early days I’m tempted to use this in their pancakes tomorrow.