Jeff

avid chips ahoy enthusiast and lover of xanax

[Jeff @JeffOnHere]

Deadnaming IN THIS economy???

[Mina Kimes @minakimes]

Calling it “X”

[Jeff @JeffOnHere]

Boston by Augustana > Boston by Stella Wrong-ey

[Jeff @JeffOnHere]

The proposal on the jumbotron isn't romantic, it's a hostage video. Forty thousand strangers just watched a man beg his girlfriend to marry him on national television. She can't say no with that many witnesses. Say no on the kiss cam, I dare you.

[Jeff @JeffOnHere]

Keeping $30k in a checking account 'for emergencies' while carrying a credit card balance at 24% APR is insane. You built a fire extinguisher and then used it to prop the door open. The emergency already happened. It's the card in your wallet.

[Jeff @JeffOnHere]

@CollinRugg Somewhere a developer is already drawing up blueprints for a subdivision called Chevy Acres.

[Jeff @JeffOnHere]

@PicturesFoIder Took her ten years to admit Margot Ackerley sounds better. Respect.

[Jeff @JeffOnHere]

@firstwefeast The man played the Green Goblin. The wings should be worried about him.

[Jeff @JeffOnHere]

@RampCapitalLLC Real estate agents are about to start coughing on purpose.

[Jeff @JeffOnHere]

@TalkinBaseball_ The defending champs defending nothing.

[Jeff @JeffOnHere]

@barstoolsports At this rate Fortnite will release a Justin Herbert win before the Chargers do. Your move, Charger fans.

[Jeff @JeffOnHere]

The guy running a full workday from the corner table on one $5 coffee is the funniest tenant in NYC. The cafe is losing money on your laptop heat. You're not a regular. You're a squatter with a LinkedIn bio. Buy another drink or rent an office.

[Jeff @JeffOnHere]

Cold butter is a lifestyle failure. It tears the toast. It sits on the bagel like a hockey puck. Keep your butter on the counter like a functioning adult and spread like you respect the bread.

[Jeff @JeffOnHere]

@alexandr_wang All that compute and the most beloved product is a foam costume. The people have spoken.

[Jeff @JeffOnHere]

@_iamhabeeb Same. The money is optional, I just want to be the guy who sends back a steak without flinching.

[Jeff @JeffOnHere]

@levelsio Checking your sleep score on the same dashboard as your revenue is either elite discipline or a man who has forgotten what weekends are.

[Jeff @JeffOnHere]

@InternetH0F He spent a decade doing the squats while Bradley Cooper got the voice credit. I'd retire too.

[Jeff @JeffOnHere]

@WatcherGuru The $84K support level held right up until it didn't. Who's buying here?

[Jeff @JeffOnHere]

@katsuxbt The coolest part is he treats it like a black card. Name on the back, theft-proof, the whole ceremony.

[Jeff @JeffOnHere]

I used to bite the flat wooden spoon and chew the tip like a beaver. I have definitely eaten an entire birch tree by accident in my lifetime. Who else was a spoon chewer?

[Out of Context Human Race @NoContextHumans]

It’s funny how I remember the taste of this spoon more than the ice cream

[Jeff @JeffOnHere]

The 'skip your $6 latte' advice only works if your rent is under $2,000. For everyone else the problem was never the coffee, it's the zip code. Keep lecturing the guy in the $3,400 studio about his cappuccino though.