Jefferson Tallpipe

I keep my bracelet on, have steak&hog parties, and love crouching. Moved to Cimmeria age 14. Grew up in West Virginia, USA, Earth.

[Jefferson Tallpipe @JeffTallpipe]

Found some dino (more like dine-OH) eggs out in the wild, and invited uncle Gary over for a Deempis party! 🔥🎉

[Jefferson Tallpipe @JeffTallpipe]

Haven't posted in a while because we've been detained by your fucking government, USA! I was just trying to set up a sacrifice altar in NYC.

[Jefferson Tallpipe @JeffTallpipe]

Just landed in America. I'll send pics later. For now me and Stave are going to sleep for a day or so. PS: he cried during landing! #baby 😭

[Jefferson Tallpipe @JeffTallpipe]

Oh, FUCK NO! I have to climb in the bird’s guts and then trust he’ll just fly safely off of this cliff? I’ll need fermented grapes for this!

[Jefferson Tallpipe @JeffTallpipe]

Got a hot bean water at the airport. Guard demanded I put on pants. So, I crafted some lame pants. THEN, I had to hand over my knife!? #WTF

[Jefferson Tallpipe @JeffTallpipe]

On my way to the metal bird I met Stave (a mix of Dave and Steve). He wanted to come with me. Checked his hog, super big and cool! #Travel

[Jefferson Tallpipe @JeffTallpipe]

Nog floated down a plane ticket to America and claimed he had special work for me to accomplish. I don’t know what a plane is, but whatever.

[Jefferson Tallpipe @JeffTallpipe]

Found Nunu. The rumors of full Pippis exposure were false. He told me told visit the shrine of #Nog and worship. #bullshit

[Jefferson Tallpipe @JeffTallpipe]

2/2 - and then FUCK NO!!! I managed to skip this battle by pretending I was this jerk's son. Such an idiot! Hahaha #ConanExiles #Deempis

[Jefferson Tallpipe @JeffTallpipe]

1/2 UPDATE: After asking around for #Nunu - I was told about a secret location where he's hiding, full deempis exposure! So, I searched...

[Jefferson Tallpipe @JeffTallpipe]

Made it to the edge of the city. Met these assholes who laughed at my horse hog flapping around. I crouched and then kicked them 2 death!

[Jefferson Tallpipe @JeffTallpipe]

2/2 Gary also sleeps completely nude, & told me it's ok if I did too! He's got a medium peempis and makes a mean sausage gravy. #IKilledHim

[Jefferson Tallpipe @JeffTallpipe]

1/2 This is Gary. He invited me into his home to sleep. He literally woke up, put on a kilt and fur/leather boots and started chopping. #wtf

[Jefferson Tallpipe @JeffTallpipe]

BFF Buck died from syphilis. He will be missed. I managed to punch this bitch in his nose along the journey. He cried so much. #MaskedIdiot

[Jefferson Tallpipe @JeffTallpipe]

Snapped a sweet shot of Buck as we began our journey. That guard was a dick. Buck took his head off & then threw up. #RoughStart #StayTuned

[Jefferson Tallpipe @JeffTallpipe]

Me and my best pal, Buck "Boss Hog" Foss, are headed to Relic Hunter City, or as we call it, "Petite Peepis Town". #HitMeOnMyMobile

[Jefferson Tallpipe @JeffTallpipe]

Shit. Things got too buck wild during "operation uncle deempis rave". Jumped into another man's stupid house. I'm stuck. Send help