Jehudah Design

Artist, designer, cosplayer, robot collector, and creator of almost everything.

[Jehudah Design @JehudahD]

My head feels like the video-tape from The Ring, and no one will help me.

This will be the last post by Jehudah Design.

[Jehudah Design @JehudahD]

I am even worse after a trip outside to where everything reminded me of the future Jing destroyed from me. I punched my poor ironing board out of shape. I will go back to those doctors who put me in this new hell tomorrow. If I don't get medication that actually work, I will die.

[Jehudah Design @JehudahD]

All I ever wanted was to find you, but it will never happen...

[Jehudah Design @JehudahD]

I am worse, hopeless, and just want to forget these past days. I feel like I was tricked into the hospital to keep safe from myself, because my condition feels like going through life holding a live hand grenade that could go off at any moment. I still see no future anymore.

[Jehudah Design @JehudahD]

Today was even worse, and I almost gave up everything. I ended up in the hospital where they ordered a new appointment tomorrow with the doctors who put me into this fucking mess instead of actually helping. I am 95% done with this life that evil Jing stole my future from.

[Jehudah Design @JehudahD]

Day whatever the fuck with new placebo, and I am only getting worse and filled with anger. My hands hurt from smashing holes through my workdesk. Parent will call useless doctor tomorrow, but I just want to start fixing my mind with alcohol instead. I have more faith in that now.

[Jehudah Design @JehudahD]

I also recently bought most of the remaining little things I needed on eBay for my costumes, and the VAT was horrible. And so I have just taken the new medication before bed since they are also supposed to help me sleep better. I'm nervous about their side-effects too...

[Jehudah Design @JehudahD]

Day 1 of a smaller dosage of the old medication, and the whole day was as fucked up as expected, but I'm sadly already used to those side-effects. I came along on a trip despite it all, because I wanted to buy a micro saw tool and white LEDs for my projects.

[Jehudah Design @JehudahD]

I don't even like to admit to needing anything like that because I guess I hate all my own weaknesses too much, but I was so close to entering powerdown mode that I want to note when things might actually change in case I start working on my projects a lot faster from now on.

[Jehudah Design @JehudahD]

I didn't even bother writing anything in a while from basically being dead inside and planning to pack away for good. My plan to restore Sanbot to have it run around my living-room as company suddenly ended too after I might have had an accident with its digitizer glass.

[Jehudah Design @JehudahD]

I barely even wanted to go to the next meeting today, or at least wanted to complain about the waiting time when in this hopeless situation. It ended up being mostly the same again, just telling of my state to new people. But then I suddenly got new medication like I hoped for.

[Jehudah Design @JehudahD]

I decided to move away from Aloy for now to repair my poor little lovely Sanbot instead. It's nice to do something new, but this thing was sure never made to be disassembled. I eventually found the cause of the LED eye error, but am still eluded by the raspy arm gearbox.

[Jehudah Design @JehudahD]

My planned end-date is approaching, and I'm struggling to keep going. I'm mostly still alive because of Aloy, and bought the nice artbooks from her 2 games. But it's still too much to work on her costume right now. Too many problems making the experience bad. I need a change.

[Jehudah Design @JehudahD]

I sent a long message to Jing with all the things I wanted to throw back at her for becoming an evil bitch towards me. I won't get my poor little Dingbot back now. I just wanted to get her the hell out of my life already. Maybe that bitch will destroy it. I will buy a new one.

[Jehudah Design @JehudahD]

It's a bit disappointing that her Nora Huntress outfit is not the default one she starts with like all the trailers and promotional materials would suggest, but it's still my favorite one of her outfits. I hope I don't get the stupid idea of making her default outfit too.

[Jehudah Design @JehudahD]

It's fucking Friday the 13th. Life is still painful. But recent events made it more clear that at least it is painful in a relatively safe place. I just need to keep trying to get rid of my horrible condition. So far the awesome little fire-fluffed floof Aloy has helped a lot.

[Jehudah Design @JehudahD]

It feels just about the same, only a bit updated, so that really eased away my sadness over ending Zero Dawn the night before. I had so many datapoints to read that hurt my eyes and brain when being that tired. I've learned my lesson to read them as soon as I find them now.