Jeroen Vincent

[Jeroen Vincent @Jeroenvince]

Prove that lightning isn't wizards fighting. You can't. http://t.co/Pxiakek0fs

[Jeroen Vincent @Jeroenvince]

http://t.co/0jTRol35fa Wet wipes are tissues who like to party.

[Jeroen Vincent @Jeroenvince]

Everybody who believes in telekinesis raise MY right hand. http://t.co/DkW10huI6E

[Jeroen Vincent @Jeroenvince]

http://t.co/Oj2dLLBlZn Sometimes I pretend my hoodie sleeves are elephant trunks. My vote counts just as much as yours

[Jeroen Vincent @Jeroenvince]

"Will this ever feel less awkward?" - whoever is waking up beside Michael Cera right now http://t.co/r5noGFAh6i

[Jeroen Vincent @Jeroenvince]

http://t.co/B64b0KW6Qz A moral compass is just a clock that isn't drunk enough.

[Jeroen Vincent @Jeroenvince]

"Upscale" sounds like a euphemism for "fat." http://t.co/MR6NkaZVwh

[Jeroen Vincent @Jeroenvince]

On a walk, my son saw a pay phone asked what it was. I made him look it up on his Blackberry. http://t.co/wKvPtOzqdV

[Jeroen Vincent @Jeroenvince]

http://t.co/6rfDJILweZ Thursday is "date night", when I force my family to eat all the expired food in our fridge.

[Jeroen Vincent @Jeroenvince]

"I have to take a shit, play Stairway To Heaven." - Radio DJ's http://t.co/9vJsLV8fGc

[Jeroen Vincent @Jeroenvince]

http://t.co/JuAFd3LJUM How do they fit so many islands into such a small bottle of dressing??!!

[Jeroen Vincent @Jeroenvince]

http://t.co/WPtIYVZ2Wu "Yes I understand that's your face, but it's also the place where I need to put my butthole." - Cats

[Jeroen Vincent @Jeroenvince]

http://t.co/tYke1hBaQ9 In Mexico, the KKK is known as the What What What.

[Jeroen Vincent @Jeroenvince]

I bet OJ Simpson’s friends were really confused when his answer to F/Marry/Kill was “Yes.” http://t.co/SrH6zsoi3A

[Jeroen Vincent @Jeroenvince]

At what age do you switch from puppy to dry dog food? My daughter is 14 months old. http://t.co/QBvUj6S0iU

[Jeroen Vincent @Jeroenvince]

http://t.co/RijSpBBYY8 Is there anything sexier than a woman who reads? Yes: Models.

[Jeroen Vincent @Jeroenvince]

In Hidden Valley, childhood obesity is covered up in creamy ranch dressing. http://t.co/ki6EQWcpvL

[Jeroen Vincent @Jeroenvince]

Ceilings were just ambitious walls. http://t.co/1GvE7L3ANQ

[Jeroen Vincent @Jeroenvince]

I bet when you go to hell they make you wear your hair like you did in 5th grade http://t.co/k4XW1xj8nC

[Jeroen Vincent @Jeroenvince]

http://t.co/HK0ek7bLqf Dad: i don't know why you wear a bra-you've got nothing to put in it. MUM: you wear pants don't you?