Jessica Carney

Writer & event planner querying a book filled with humorous stories about event plans gone awry. Words @byshondaland | @Huffpost | @TODAYshow

[Jessica Carney @JessC_writer]

@jmariecastillo I work as an event planner, and I'm horrified. 7 p.m. -- sure, serve snacks. 5 p.m. with no food? A crime.

[Jessica Carney @JessC_writer]

@stephpitera @kaitarford @BusinessInsider Hello! Do you require all rights in perpetuity, or is this negotiable?

[Jessica Carney @JessC_writer]

A weird way for a bunch of people to find out that Iowa and Ohio are two separate states
https://t.co/AjZe4P6o30

[kyle r seibel @kylerseibel]

i should be able to have a little book deal, as a treat

[Jessica Carney @JessC_writer]

@KristaDiamond Headphones playing white noise has made a huge difference for me

[Jessica Carney @JessC_writer]

Each time you meet a cool Iowan, a countdown begins until they move to Colorado

[Jessica Carney @JessC_writer]

I wrote about how I need to get out of my parasocial relationship with my dishwasher: https://t.co/N7vClQP7ED

[Jessica Carney @JessC_writer]

This post in a community group isn't doing anything to change my preconceived notions about the types of folks who like to buy fireworks

[Jessica Carney @JessC_writer]

@FarahColette Hi, Farah! Do rights revert back to the author after a set period of time, or does Narratively require all rights in perpetuity?

[Patrick Lucas Austin @patbits]

wow u gotta be kidding me

[Jessica Carney @JessC_writer]

https://t.co/g5XcN1ST6H

[Jessica Carney @JessC_writer]

“Thank God there’s a race this weekend,” I found myself saying yesterday after a stressful week. It’s a sentence that would have made zero sense to me two years ago. (Link to piece below.)

[Jessica Carney @JessC_writer]

Menards provides more serotonin than any other store. I bought a banana holder, a toy for my dog, and some whoopers and have never felt better.

[Jessica Carney @JessC_writer]

I wrote this tweet with a migraine and it is clearly perfect

[Jessica Carney @JessC_writer]

I've had just Vanderpump Rules on just enough for my spouse to think James is Lisa's troubled son

[Jessica Carney @JessC_writer]

Who's more worldly than one who's guarded the barricade at a Vanilla Ice show? I shared my lessons learned with @DrunkMonkeysWeb

https://t.co/lCQ2rbrodG

[Jessica Carney @JessC_writer]

@jadeline_marvis Had to Google that, I was unaware they had a real name

[Jessica Carney @JessC_writer]

My dad says they're so underdone they're "take and bake" cookies
https://t.co/UXXrnBQZqN

[Jessica Carney @JessC_writer]

Never knew how hard it is to cancel pest company contracts. You have to give a bunch of notice, and they might still come back once or twice. They follow the same business model as ants.

[Jessica Carney @JessC_writer]

@caityweaver Mine has little to no educational value and I accidentally recorded just one episode on my webcam mic
https://t.co/2gIWbKjPVO