Jesse Howard

medium funny but pretty

[Jesse Howard @JesseHoward23]

**Pfiff lifts his shirt up to show me his stretch marks
Pfiff: “See these scars? Cupcakes 2009.”

[Jesse Howard @JesseHoward23]

All is fair in love & bar tabs

[Jesse Howard @JesseHoward23]

I’m not ready to die. There’s booze & boys here I’m staying for awhile

[Arielle Dundas @ArielleDundas]

Asking me “whatever happened with that guy” is a HIPAA violation.

[Jesse Howard @JesseHoward23]

Why do breakups take 3-5 business days

[big honkin caboose @itsbighonkin]

NEED SOMEONE TO FILM AN ONLYFANS VID WITH ME:

You pretend to be a mover helping me get my things from one apartment to the other. I wear a tiny sundress and you don’t touch me you just move my things. This does not pay

[Jesse Howard @JesseHoward23]

What’s with bitches & parking garages

[♡graciepoo♡ @9wacie]

normalize letting me talk without making any sense

[Jesse Howard @JesseHoward23]

So my hair dresser left, now my tattoo artist left. To sum it up even my service workers don’t want me lmaooo

[Jesse Howard @JesseHoward23]

@PolkadotHeart11 Yes please 🥺

[Jesse Howard @JesseHoward23]

@PolkadotHeart11 Buying a dog would solve all of my problems. If only it wasn’t so expensive. But I’ll take your advice on the sushi part, that I can afford on most days

[Jesse Howard @JesseHoward23]

4 years ago today I went to prom. how embarrassing

[Jesse Howard @JesseHoward23]

Considering moving to Mars cause this shit sucks

[Lukas Battle @lukasbattle]

People think they’re performing stand up when it’s time to write a Venmo description

[Jesse Howard @JesseHoward23]

Going to start showing guys I’m interested in them by connecting on LinkedIn

[sarah lugor! @sarahlugor]

i can’t believe people had me stressed about my virginity in highschool that shit was such a scam?

[GL DiVittorio @gldivittorio]

I think what charcuterie boards have done for people who can’t cook is really beautiful

[Jesse Howard @JesseHoward23]

My biggest flex is my friend group

[Jesse Howard @JesseHoward23]

“High Monday & Tuesday. Drunk Wednesday & Thursday. Friday - hospitalized”