Jessica Bullock

[Jessica Bullock @JessicaHBullock]

My four-year-old said "Okay Google, I like this song" to the car radio this morning.

[Jessica Bullock @JessicaHBullock]

That time a bunch of senators gave up their questioning time to tell a survivor they're sorry for all she's been through. Oh wait no...I got that backwards. #KavanaughHearing

[Jessica Bullock @JessicaHBullock]

"He was an immature high schooler, weren't we all." IT'S CALLED RAPE CULTURE, MR. HATCH. #KavanaghHearing

[Jessica Bullock @JessicaHBullock]

Today when I picked my daughter up from preschool, she asked really loudly if today was Taco Tuesday or Margarita Monday. So I guess the cat's out of the bag. #ThatParent

[Jessica Bullock @JessicaHBullock]

"Kiss the Girl" came on Pandora Disney this afternoon.

"It's possible she wants you too/There's one way to ask her/It don't take a word, not a single word/Go on and kiss the girl."

NOPE. The one way to ask her if she wants to kiss you is to ASK HER. #TimesUp, Disney.

[Jessica Bullock @JessicaHBullock]

My 4-year-old: "Sometimes I feel sad when I see other people." #introvertslogan

[Jessica Bullock @JessicaHBullock]

My oldest child just told me "your neck looks like a giant sausage" so I'm feeling great about my Monday so far.

[Jessica Bullock @JessicaHBullock]

Three-year-old while playing Candyland this morning: "I want to be nice to you, so I'm going to pretend to go slow to let you win."

Um...thanks? ���

[Jessica Bullock @JessicaHBullock]

@TheEllenShow My 6 year-old daughter saw your picture in People magazine and said, "I know that lady!...is she the ruler of the world??"

[Jessica Bullock @JessicaHBullock]

Five-year-old: "I love you more than anyone, Mommy. Oh wait, that's not true. I love Mamie more."

#TwoPointsForHonesty
#CantBeatGrandma

[Jessica Bullock @JessicaHBullock]

Murphy's Laws of Parenting: if you wash all your sheets and bedding, the baby will puke all over them the following night. If you thoroughly clean the bathtub and bath toys, the baby will poop in the tub the following morning. These are two of the immutable laws of the universe.

[Jessica Bullock @JessicaHBullock]

Three-year-old while being disciplined: "I don't want to hear anything from Daddy's mouth or Mommy's mouth!!!"

#HolidaySpirit

[Jessica Bullock @JessicaHBullock]

A sentence I just said: "Take off your fur before you go pee pee." #MomLife #MomOfGirls

[Jessica Bullock @JessicaHBullock]

Aww, you guys are being unfair. Congratulate @realDonaldTrump for finding a comm director who speaks on his behalf with pinpoint accuracy.

[Jessica Bullock @JessicaHBullock]

While playing picnic with my kids this morning:

5-year-old: *picks up teapot* "You want some wine?"

Me: *weeps with pride*

[Jessica Bullock @JessicaHBullock]

I come out of my bedroom and my kid goes, "Is that what you're wearing? Are you dressed?" #encouragement

[Jessica Bullock @JessicaHBullock]

Me to kids: "I'm sorry I was getting frustrated a lot; I haven't had much patience today."
5-yr-old: "Why didn't you eat enough?"
#NailedIt

[Jessica Bullock @JessicaHBullock]

"Mommy, Bubble Guppies is probably on Amazon." Said the two-year-old. Kids these days.

[Jessica Bullock @JessicaHBullock]

One kid sick, two kids sobbing, and I have their cold leftover waffles to eat for breakfast in the car! #Mondays

[Jessica Bullock @JessicaHBullock]

Me: Can I sell some of your toys?
Two-year-old: Okay, you can have one.
Me: Which one?
2: The car keys.

#ParentingWin #MomLife