The fact that Tom Brady says he’s leaving New England... on St. Patrick’s Day when quite literally zero bars are open for people to drown themselves in... is Coronavirus’ wildest chess move yet.
i’m going to make myself a chart like parents do for kids except i get gold stars for things like “not pressing snooze 5 times” “didn’t get mcdonald’s on the way home from work” “drank 64oz of water” then i add up all my stickers for the week and that’s how many whiteclaws i get