Jessica M

[Jessica M @Jessjesslebean]

@KenJennings’s Mayor Quimby impersonation is really hard to watch.

[Jessica M @Jessjesslebean]

@rachelkleist Oh no 😩

[Jessica M @Jessjesslebean]

My first thought when I read Durst died was, “Ok. Bye bye.” Thanks to @TrueCrimeObsess

[Jessica M @Jessjesslebean]

@robblerouser I know they’re loaves, but I don’t want to pass the opportunity to compliment your bunz.

[Jessica M @Jessjesslebean]

@MyFavMurder I was shotgunning whipped cream from the can when you said “high-cut diapers with low-cut jeans” and narrowly missed what would have been the best spit take of my life.
I am crying laughing. #bestof2021

[Jessica M @Jessjesslebean]

What’s the weird thing you’re looking up online tonight? Mine is “Japanese eggs” and bad lip readings of twilight.

[Reverend Raphael Warnock @ReverendWarnock]

This verdict upholds a sense of accountability, but not true justice.

True justice looks like a Black man not having to worry about being harmed—or killed—while on a jog, while sleeping in his bed, while living what should be a very long life.

Ahmaud should be with us today.

[Jessica M @Jessjesslebean]

@jay__milllz

[Jessica M @Jessjesslebean]

Being asked to display my pronouns at work is reasonable and cool, except I don’t know mine necessarily and it’s not always super straight-forward for everybody. Someone chose mine for me, and that was some bullshit.

[Jessica M @Jessjesslebean]

@DueceWain The sky Marshall said it was out of their jurisdiction. I had to call the foot Marshall.

[Jessica M @Jessjesslebean]

I really try not to judge people unfairly, but the person walking around the airport barefoot is being gross.

[Jessica M @Jessjesslebean]

@aimeewingen I will. I’m going to Atlanta and draining my sorrows in BBQ sauce.
Everyone is ok and totally alive and well now though. At least there’s that.

[Jessica M @Jessjesslebean]

This morning two people tried to bleed to death on me within two hours, so after going home for a good cry I’m so ready for this next week off.

[Jessica M @Jessjesslebean]

@Hertz I cannot believe this company charges people to call for service when their website doesn’t properly look up reservations.

[Dolly Parton @DollyParton]

It’s Fall Y’all 🍁

[Jessica M @Jessjesslebean]

@SouthwestAir I figured you guys were finally calling it quits after decades of shitting the bed.

[Jessica M @Jessjesslebean]

Wow #MattAmodio has won so much money on @Jeopardy so far. If he keeps this up he’ll be able to pay his student loans for that PhD!

[@[email protected] @Imani_Barbarin]

I am experiencing burnout.

[Jessica M @Jessjesslebean]

@tylergaca @rvinshit They might sell you one piece but they’re still charging the full $9.90 for shipping.

[Jessica M @Jessjesslebean]

I want to be totally done wearing masks soon because I think we should be walking around in our normal lives wearing face paint. Looking like a kitty or having a sparkly rainbow unicorn on your cheek shouldn’t be exclusive to fairs and birthday parties.